Here comes a classic from our archives while we're away. Starring Betsy Russell, this is 80's schlock that rivals the stupidity of Teen Witch. It's completely offensive, chock full of boobs, blatant stupidity by the characters, and has one of the silliest endings of all time. Enjoy!
This coronasode we discuss Sam's new summer drink recipe, we ask if Joey and Chandler ruined America, a fan suggestion for Wacko, Sando takes on Global Economic Crisises and getting his lunch stolen, Troll 3, Contagion, Ready or Not, Blow the Man Down, Vast of Night and Jackie's got a turd of a Spookie out of Scotland.
When you gotta remake a Jaws movie, make sure to remake Jaws II, cause you really can't screw it up and here's exhibit A. Expect many exploding dummies, strange sequences and terrible models.
In grand 70s/80s Italian film tradition, we've got a direct ripoff of both Quint from Jaws and the plot of Jaws II. In further grand tradition, we've got terrible voice-over, ridiculous action sequences, inept heroes, questionable film ethics, and nonsensical characters. But what really makes The Last Shark shine is the little things.
From the start with a very laboring windsurfer, to DJ Exposition, to the daughter's strange habit of falling out of boats, and her mom's absolute lack of care the movie features little non-plot vignettes that leave the viewer thinking about them more than they think about how awful the shark looks - and the shark looks terrible.
Let's talk about the shark though (whom we've dubbed Ultimo) - he not only looks terrible but he's a very strange shark. It seems he has two primary "shark moves" - exploding people into the air and just putting his face up above the water as if to say "Hey look at me! I'm a damn shark!". He also employs traps and uses bait. Pretty sure sharks don't do that. When it does come time for him to bite some people, he usually starts with the feet and has a habit of not finishing his dinners. Ultimo is the second best shark of all time (when it comes to being crappy) and is an absolute treat. All Jaws ripoffs should learn a thing from Ultimo.
It's not the best crappy shark movie, but it's still a really great ride and is perfect for a group of riffers.
This week we call to hear from our POC listeners, Jackie earns a new title, Tacoman gets his origin, The Brougham's maiden voyage, Sando Takes on Manual Labor, heroin songs, Upload, The Good Boys, another look at Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, a Jackie Spookie from the land down under and Eyes Wide Shut bang-parties.
In a formula that you've seen one thousand times before, we get a themed slasher around a date, a plethora of red herrings and a telegraphed and an obvious murderer that makes for a fairly mundane time.
The first thing one will notice about Graduation Day is the decision to base the killings all around high school sports - while knowing absolutely nothing about high school sports. The second thing one will notice is who the killer is, within minutes of the movie starting. The third thing one will notice is the gibberish "teen" dialogue. Finally, you'll notice how unbelievably bad every piece of the film actually is.
While that all sounds pretty good, Graduation Day suffers from 1/2 of the scenes being completely plot irrelevant and scattered with various characters getting put on screen that never return, have no connection to the story, and even their scenes could be just placed in any other film and fit better. This makes for a fair amount of tedium.
It's not that it's not a fun time, it's just that it's an "ok" watch and falls into a pile of slasher films that you could randomly pick from and still have the same level of fun with. It's just too much of relying on the usual slasher formula that can't make it stand out.
The "Two who are as one" go on a wacky adventure with some very questionable themes all to end up at a ritual that doesn't make a bit of sense with unclear intentions. Buckle up folks, this is one of the best bad movies ever.
I don't know what more you could want in a bad movie. There's not a single thing in this film that is done well, yet there's also not a single scene that isn't pure joy to watch. Most bad movies fail in a least a couple scenes for the viewer yet the true masterpieces (Troll 2, America 3000, etc..) are an absolute treat from credits to credits. Sorceress belongs on every top 10 list of so bad it's good.
The truly unique thing about Sorceress is how far pass the socially acceptable line it goes. These are things I'm not comfortable writing in a movie review that gets passed to various websites but many of things that happen on screen are illegal in every country in the world. They are THAT bad. And it's all delivered to be comedic and it's icky.
The acting is terrible, the plot doesn't make any sense, the action is bonkers, the special effects are the worst ever, and at no point is the viewer ever bored. It's pure stinker magic and belongs in the Hall of Fame.
This week's show has a bevvy of listener feedback, some round-table discussions about life under COVID, a new Pop Quiz Hotshot, Sando takes on lost pet bad moves, Phantasm, Dolemite is My Name, Sam finally finishes GoT, and the day the clowns died.
Rudy Ray Moore dons the person of Dolemite who may or may not be a pimp, but is definitely awful at karate. In one of the most unique bad movies we've ever reviewed, Dolemite is unforgettable.
The major thing that is unique is that at least 90% of the cast is completely stoned. No one is drunk. Which is strange in a strange way. Why are bad movies usually filmed with drunk people but very rarely filled with everyone that is absolutely blazed. It makes for a very unique take in a bad movie.
Secondly, is the "masterful" martial arts skill of Rudy Ray. If you've seen Dolemite is my Name, you'll remember Eddie Murphy throwing some pretty terrible knees at guys. He wasn't over-acting. Rudy's skill may come from being high as well. I sure don't like violence or moving when I'm high.
Beside, Rudy's amazing performance - You've also got one of the dumbest and poorest executed plots. Let's see if I can break it down - Dolemite is doing a life sentence for some stolen furs and about $200k worth of coke. The warden puts him back into the streets to take over the crime because Willie Green is just too much for the cops to handle. So then Dolemite goes and bangs a bunch of ladies for 45 minutes. Then throws a party that Willie Green shows up to and shoots up the place while Dolemite is changing his clothes for the 30th time in the movie - resulting in Willie getting a death tummy-ache. Then the movie goes on for about 20 more minutes and the mayor is the villain this whole time?
It's bonkers, terribly made, rarely accomplishes what it intends and is absolutely intoxicating. It's a must-watch.
Join us for a loosey, goosey conversation about Pete Rose v Michael Jordan, why Vermont sucks, The Wizard IRL, The 1080, the top binge-worthy comedy shows, riveting listener feedback about that stupid cat from this week, Sando takes on food stamp exploitation, Waco and Jackie shares a San Diego spookie. Streaming now on Amazon Prime (nope).