Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers

Penitentiary - They ripped off Justin's novel!

A film that rips off Justin's novel 35 years before he wrote it. Its a prison film (obs) that gets fast and loose with the rules of early release - time off for punchin' dudes.
Prepare for a short film review.
I don't like it. It should be fun. It looks like it would be. The scenario lends itself to be fun. Its just not somehow. They get it right in the later films but somehow this just isn't really worth anyone's time.
UNLESS - you're a student of film history, based on its budget, technical ability and how its a part of a larger movement in cinema.

Jungleground - The Magmaknockers were better

Nobody crosses the bridge between Uptown and Jungleground! Except the dope pushers, of course. Oh, and the cops. Well we gotta give 'em a little action every now and then, right? Oh and the Feds, hookers, delivery companies, truckers and constructions workers. Seems like everyone does actually.
What you've got here is fairly standard fair for a mid-90's DTV action movie with a few standout exceptions. Roddy is, of course, great despite his terrible dialogue in the script. The relationship between Roddy's "Jake" and his fiancé(?), Samantha, is unique in that its just a straight-up good relationship with no getting sidetracked in backstory or conflict between them. Even Samantha takes a few departures away from cliché' by supporting his copping, standing up to sexual harassment and not being a helpless damsel. The film also does one thing very well - it never loses focus. Its "get home, Jake, before they kill your love". No pauses in that goal. Even with the addition of a helpful hooker who just wants to start a new life, Jake always keeps moving forward. He doesn't stop to ponder her struggles or drop her off a a clinic and stay to check on her (in fact he drops her off with some construction workers and steals their truck) nor does Jake try to save Jungleground or its people. He just keeps moving toward Samantha.
While the over-the-top action isn't as full as we'd like with a bigger budget, what's there is fun and insane. The Ragnarockers (the gang Jake is hunted by in Jungleground) are excessive in their baddie ways resulting in blowing up entire buildings to kill one guy, putting together elaborate executions that are wasteful and destructive of their own property and never really have a clear plan on how to be bad guys. In fact, most of them are terrible at it. Indoor, open layout farm-to-table markets are about the least scary thing you could have and yet the Ragnarockers love that produce. Their entire system of evil income comes from cocaine storage for the Uptown snobs who've rejected them; not selling of it, just storage and not getting paid for it. In a critical scene, one of the Rockers (the annoying Gameshow) manages to get murdered by none other than gravity and bad decisions, leading to his brother Dragon to declare "I must have revenge!" (against who? Fetal alcohol syndrome?). The ineptitude of the Rockers is what you come for in this movie.
On the whole, it's not a standout stinker. Some may not even spot the difference between other DTVs by Dolph, Jeff Fahey or James Remar. But Jungleground does occasionally get it very right. Sadly, it doesn't do it enough.

Space Truckers - Liquid Beef, cute but not the real thing.

Two truckers (an old hat and a young buck) and a waitress manage to defeat an army of the most unstoppable killing machines, which even the Predator wouldn't stand a chance against, using the rules of the space highway. Honk, honk, pew, pew!
What you've got here is a decent stinker but gets bogged down by how awesome it SHOULD be. It's called Space Truckers. That should be enough to make it amazing. Then Stuart Gordon is directing. I'm no huge lover of Gordon and think most of his projects are just ok, but he's competent enough that he could helm a movie called Space Truckers and not make it not amazing. Tack on Dennis Hopper, who is honestly either great or terrible and either would work here. 
Yet, there's hardly any of the space truckin' that I want. Now there is a large amount of actual "trucking" but not much "truckin' ". You see the difference? There's lots of talk about shipping rates, independent contracting vs employed trucking, fulfillment services, and contract negotiations. Its like watching Mila Kunis go through the DMV in Jupiter Ascending. I don't want that! I want Dennis Hopper climbing on the side of the truck to punch out hijackers. I want him putting together a convoy of other space truckers who use their big rigs to run over an entire space colony. I want the space fuzz trying a road block but he jumps over them in a 0 gravity twist. None of that happens. This is like Die Hard. It's a movie that takes place at Xmas, not an Xmas movie (I'll die on that hill). It's a sci-fi movie that takes place around trucking, not a space truckin' movie. So if you're me and a lover of truckin' films, you're entering this bound for disappointment.
BUT, that doesn't mean there aren't some good things here. Charles Dance is of course brilliant, even with him spending the majority of his screen-time with prosthetics slapped all over him. The killer robots are seriously awesome looking. The gag-gore is fun enough, even though instead of blood someone decided to use bubblegum. There's a few good lines here and there. Which adds up to it still just barely making it a do.
We recommend it as a double-feature with some friends. Maybe put it on the front-end feature before The Ice Pirates? Or maybe Oblivion. But make sure it comes first and never ever ever put it next to an actual truckin' film.

The Forbidden Dance - How we solve global warming

*Warning - Jackie's mic was backwards so her audio isn't perfect. Sorry for any inconvenience.*
Want to save the environment but are only a Brazilian princess? Well, show off your pretend dance craze skills on American Bandstand! So long, climate crisis! The merengue is coming for you.
So what you've got here is a basket of terrible sequences from the minds of Meneham Golen and Greydon Clark. As the pair rushed the film out in just 56 weeks (from concept to release) in order to hedge their bets against Yorum Globus' Lambada (which released on the same day), what was given to the public was exactly what it deserved. See the lambada was no such dance craze as we've been told. It was a made up craze, likely pushed by the Cannon Group boys so that they could sell tickets to, you guessed it, these two movies. You show us evidence of there being a lambada fervor pre-1990 and we'll eat our shoulder-pad shirts. So yeah, suckers, you bought into some baloney dance fad, you get this thinly put together film in return!
However, what The Forbidden Dance actually is, well... it's stinker classic and cult worthy. I can imagine that most might be scared off by the idea of watching a danceical, but as evidenced by Breakin' 2 and The Apple, anyone associated with Cannon Group is capable of blowing your mind with the movie surrounding the often terrible dancing and music (with the exception of 1/3 of the scenes in Breakin' 2). Every sequence in this film could be a highlight reel for Up All Night and Rifftrax. Especially any scene with the atrociously terrible Jeff James (its not totally his fault, his character is a 28 year old man-baby who lives off the teet of mommie's wallet).
Just think about the premise here: an American mega-corporation wants to burn the Amazon down (so they can sell ash?) despite a tribe of "Indians" (you racist bastards! They aren't even in North America!!!) living in their destruction zone. The tribe's princess is the only one who can save them (she speaks English) so she hops a flight to LA to try to convince "the Chairman" (of the Board of Directors?) to stop the burning. He isn't in today so instead she forgets about all that stuff and gets a job as a maid, where she seduces said man-baby with her sexy tribal dance rituals/masturbation. After a brief courting period, they team up to lambada their way onto national TV to bring awareness of the Amazon to children who don't do grocery shopping. The only thing stopping them? The evil corp's main hencher, Richard GD Lynch along with man-baby's ex-girlfriend.
Now try to write a movie around that premise that ISN'T going to be awesome. We'll wait.
From start to finish, The Forbidden Dance is a riffer's paradise and ROFL full. Don't be scared off by the danceical. There's very little dancing in it and when its there, its laughable. It's an absolute blast and a total do from us.

Roar - Joe Exotic's wet dream but our nightmare

Well I guess if you ever wanted to watch a movie where the cast and crew literally get eaten alive by the stars of the movie, well this is that movie. Its horrifying and terrible and likely contributed to the end of the world. I say that without exaggeration.
What Roar is goes beyond anything that Tommy Wiseau, Neil Breen, and M. Knight Shamalyan had ever envisioned for a vanity-piece-gone-awry. There is volumes of material that are all worth reading about for this film, so I'll briefly sum up what you should know. Basically, Tippi Hendren and her husband Noel Marshall hatched an idea to make a film about living in peace with animals that are dangerous but misunderstood. Its about harmony with nature. So what they did was bought a large compound in the California desert and then brought in 150 big cats (and 1 elephant) to live with their family and then shoot a film with the lions, tigers, panthers and jaguars as the stars. Mind you this is all done with Noel and Tippi acting as head trainers, veterinarians and Robert Muldoons of the compound - all without a bit of experience or education on how to do so. So they built a set, hired Jan De Bont as cinematographer and start filming himself and his family getting eaten by their pets. This is hubris to the maximum.
What resulted was a financial disaster despite taking almost a decade to film of nearly $15 million in losses, your daughter (Melanie Griffith) getting her face clawed off and needing plastic surgery, your cinematographer getting the back of his head torn off, your ranch flooding destroying your set and your cages thus freeing the lions resulting in 14 of them drowning or being shot by authorities. This not only inspired the scumbags that are "big cat rescue" buttholes but DIRECTLY resulted in Tiger King (Carol Baskin bought many of her big cats from Tippi Hedren). Unbelievable.
Now for the film itself.
Is it fun? No.
Is it funny? No.
Is it riffable? No.
What Roar is instead is an absolute nightmare. The horror that takes place on screen is what Wes Craven, Blumhouse, and even Alfred Hitchcock (who likely had an indirect hand in causing this disaster) could only dream of. The torture that Noel Marshall put his children through (and were truly forced to do), his complete lack of human compassion as viewed by not yelling "Cut!" and kept rolling as his actors were eaten in front of him, especially when his step-daughter is mauled while his wife desperately tries to pull the lion off her is display of moral absence that has never been caught on film like this. Noel's own on screen performance which can only be described as daffy all with wall-to-wall circus music score is the thing of nightmares.
Should you watch it? Absolutely. This is required viewing. Will I ever watch it again? Hell no. Watch it once and then have your beliefs that maybe mankind's time is done reinforced.

Bare Knuckles - Pizza Hut's Bag o' Pizza for 2

He's a real tough guy, but almost everyone he deals with is just a bit tougher, but not tough enough to out tough his toughness. That was until he meets his weekly nemesis, Cat-Man!
So Zach Kane is a character. He's a total loser. He's a washed up boxer that now is a borderline vigilante who can barely make ends meet. While that seems like a fairly cliche character model for a late 70s action movie, there's a nice twist to Kane's character; he believes he's still one tough guy. He's never come to terms with his loserness, either by denial or just complete lack of context. He keeps getting his butt kicked by life and his own decisions but he's oblivious. Imagine Johnny Lawrence in episode 1 of Cobra Kai but never having any sort of redemption.
While this is mostly considered as an action movie, this is much more of a thriller with the plot centering around a man-hunt for a serial killer. The serial killer himself is quite the character as well. He's a rich kid with some serious mommy issues or at least issues with his mommy being an orgy-loving swinger. So he puts on his trash bag hood and stalks the night as Cat-Man. He literally makes hissing sounds whenever he's in some sort of danger. Little Richard is not exactly Zodiac.
The cast is rounded out by Sherry Jackson's Jennifer. Jennifer also has some serious mental health issues or at least self-destructive tendencies. First, Sherry Jackson is a smoke-show and therefore so is Jennifer. Second, she's a well-to-do gal who appears to have a stable source of income. Third, she's an LA socialite with connections to the upper crust. Yet, she is given a bag of Pizza Hut by a guy in a parking lot and she's now swooning for him. He's covered in dirt and blood every time she's with him and comes and goes as he pleases, yet within two dates she's in love with our boy Zach. Why, Jennifer? Why?!?!?
Bare Knuckles isn't your typical stinker of this vein. It's mildly slow. The action isn't good. There's relatively low amounts of stunts. There's zero shoot-outs and little blood. Yet, the price of admission is whether you can discover the good movie that is buried in the crap that is the narrative and film production. You may find yourself asking yourself where the line is on bounty-hunting and vigilantism. You may find yourself analyzing the motives of the characters. You may find yourself comparing Zach and Richard to Batman and Joker. You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack. And you may ask yourself, well why am I watching this?
Its not for everyone, and its not any sort of bad movie show stopper. But it is a very interesting movie with much to be discussed by lovers of bad movies. We say go for it with your other film buddies, but don't bring any rookies in. This is for intermediates.

Yor: The Rerun

Yor does not come from the future. He comes from over there. Sorry for the spoiler. He is still awesome. The ladies love him, the men fear him and Yor believes himself to be the most rad dude of all time and he might be right.
Yor is one of those wacky Italian movies that believes to be a good idea with a good story but is just a mess of silly business. Yor bounces smugly from scene to scene veritably stating directly to the audience, "Hey, did you know I'm awesome? Cause I am." His motivations aren't clear, his actions are bonkers, and his idiom is dubious. He's great. He even has his own awesome theme song (Yor's World) that rivals "Do You Want to Be a Hero" from Biggles: Adventure in Time and "Stargrove" from Never Too Young To Die.
Yor: The Hunter from the Future is one heck of a good time and is required viewing for any fan of the swords and sandals genre, as long as you like stupid crap. 
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Return of Swamp Thing - Stinker Madness Rerun

How do you follow up Wes Craven's directing? You call Jim Wynorski? And he totally shows Wes how its done? Wow. Fan-Fave Jim showcases how you have fun with a failed superhero property. Replace Zach Snyder right now, DC!
The polarization between the two versions of Swamp Thing is night and day. It's known within the first 15 seconds as shown by the opening scroll:
"Once upon a time....in the swamp!"
Boom.
Then 8 minutes later we get a real vision of what we are in for - a Swamp Thing costume that looks good filled with a dude that is a) confident in his coolness, b) stupid charming. You know he's giving a thumbs-up at some point. What is happening?
The production level in the sequel gets a massive bump as well, from the sets to makeup, the lighting, cinematography, explosions, sound design....everything but the acting. Bad acting? Well yes, but it so works here. Fun is the top priority for not just the viewer but those involved on the set as well. Marlon Brando School of Method Acting takes a back seat and that's a good thing.
The whole film is an absolute blast with hot-pacing, fun jokes, way over-the-top action, great costumes and makeup, sexy ladies, ridiculous villains, a couple precocious scamps, awful acting, and some very subtle cinematography and special effects that reinforce the talent of one Jim Wynorski. This one can't be missed. Expect to see this again in Year in Review.
There is a very small occasional click in the audio of this episode. Adobe Audition isn't a great program. It's really small and you may not even notice it, but we want to apologize for it in advance.

Swamp Thing - Stinker Madness Rerun

Nothing says the follow-up to Superman like a budget movie, right? It's that weird mix of camp, bad costumes, a busty lady, and villians of dubious intent. Oh, and it's also a fairy-tale love story. WTF is Swamp Thing?
It's surprisingly bad. Nothing can prepare you for how crummy this film is. You've got all the pieces that should make for an OK movie - the established Wes Craven only 2 years before his masterpiece. Adrienne Barbeau hot off her run of John Carpenter films, Ray Wise on his way to Leland nuttiness, Harry Manfredini ready to give the hot licks, Alan Moore's material, the backing of DC loaded up on cash after Superman. How did this go wrong?!?!
The makeup is awful, the costumes are atrocious, the writing is beyond nonsense, the story is a big question mark and then the way the whole thing ends is just nuts. This truly is one of the worst comic-book movies of all time.
That aside, it's a total blast - cheesy, cheesy fun. Swamp Thing is completely useless, despite having super-strength and healing powers. He mostly just chucks guys out of boats, then lets them get back in, then chucks them out, rinse and repeat. Meanwhile, Barbeau's Cable, is just getting nabbed over and over again. Useless.
The end...wow. Whomever thought that your epic climax would best be shown by a battle over a knight's sword between a man-pig and a guy in a loose rubber costume was going to wow audience's....yipes.
It's a must-do bad movie.

Dangerous Men - The Hunt for Black Pepper

Get ready to meet the most righteous dudes of movie villians and the most disappearing of protagonists. John Rad gives us one of the biggest and most glorious of trainwrecks in film. Black Pepper is coming your way, buster!
What you've got here is one of those "hey we found this movie, does anyone wanna finish it?" Filmed in the mid-80s this wasn't released until 2005 with an assist from Drafthouse. Much along the lines of Miami Connection its a masterpiece in bad filmmaking by a nice person and cost everything for failure. Sadly the director, John Rad (or Jahangir Salehi by his true name) had this movie sit on a shelf for 20 years and not have it released to the right audience until it was far too late. John died before this movie could do so. But what a gift to leave the world. Thanks John!
While on surface this may have a fairly cliché revenge/lady Punisher plot but wow does this get off course fast. Mina (who may be our protagonist if she hadn't disappeared for 1/2 the movie) goes on a murder spree of rapey dudes after seeing her fiancé murdered by "The Bikers". Her lady vengeance lasts for only 1/5 of her murders before she shifts gears and starts killing random dudes and trans night walkers. All while, David (her dead fiancé's brother) tries to find her by sitting at another detectives desk. Eventually David decides to stalk "The Bikers" which leads him to the top of "The Bikers" food chain (or just the most popular biker, we just aren't clear). Thus the hunt for Black Pepper begins. Yes we don't even know about the antagonist (or if there even is one) until there is only 30 minutes of film left.
Then the worlds greatest 30 minutes in cinema begins.
The Hunt for Black Pepper could be its own movie. The decision to cast Bryan Jenkins (who is Head of the Drug Dealers in the credits - despite there no mention of anyone dealing drugs in the movie AND THAT HIS NAME IS BLACK MFING PEPPER!!!) could be its own documentary. We've been told that Black Pepper is a real bad dude. He'll feed you your own balls. He'd cut his own mom's throat if it benefitted him. He's a BAAAAAAAD dude. And then you meet Black Pepper and you're like "THAT'S Black Pepper?!?!?"
Without Black Pepper, this would probably still be a do. But with the stunning final sequence this movie is Hall of Fame worthy and is a must see. Its fantastic.