Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers

Exorcist II: The Heretic - Satan is a nepotistic boss

Six (count them - SIX!) Oscar nominated actors took a look at this garbage script and STILL signed up to do it. It's absolutely nonsensical. It's painfully boring. And it ALL sucks butt. Blech.
It's like they tried to say something in this film but had no idea what that was before they reached the end of the writing, so they just crammed in a bunch of nonsense to try to make a statement. If anyone can decipher what that statement is....
The acting stinks but not in a fun way. It looks like garbage but not in a fun way. In fact, I'm over this POS. I don't want to talk about it any more.
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
Prom Night - Amazon Prime
Spy Hard - Netflix
Sleepaway Camp - Amazon Prime

The Midnight Man

A couple ding-dongs find a box with some stuff in it, so their only choice is to summon a crappy version of Slender Man and have him chase them around until 3:33am. Meanwhile you've got Grandma upstairs complaining about the trouble-makers in Selma, absolutely no reward if you beat the game, and a villain with dubious intentions. Hope you all like lengthy rules!
Soooo many rules! The length of the rules of summoning Midnight Man need to have a team of professional editors go through them. You might run out of ink in your printer. BUT there's a myriad of holes within them. For instance, Midnight Man will leave you alone after 3:33am. Is that GST? What time measurement system is he going by? Will a sundial work? Or can you just use your cell-phone? What about time-zones? What happens if someone else summons Midnight Man in Italy and Chicago? What's he do when he's NOT summoned?
I mean the level of bullcrap is seriously leaps and bounds past Slender Man (which is about a 9 on the bullcrap scale).
Aside from that the acting is garbage, the pacing is impossibly slow, the "big scares" are eyeball roll worthy, the characters are dubious (See "Doctor's Apprentice") and the Midnight Man is pretty lame from a design standpoint. There's NOTHING here.
We can't think of one group of people to recommend this to at all. This is an avoid at all cost, POS.

The Return of Swamp Thing - You got owned, Wes

How do you follow up Wes Craven's directing? You call Jim Wynorski? And he totally shows Wes how its done? Wow. Fan-Fave Jim showcases how you have fun with a failed superhero property. Replace Zach Snyder right now, DC!
The polarization between the two versions of Swamp Thing is night and day. It's known within the first 15 seconds as shown by the opening scroll:
"Once upon a time....in the swamp!"
Boom.
Then 8 minutes later we get a real vision of what we are in for - a Swamp Thing costume that looks good filled with a dude that is a) confident in his coolness, b) stupid charming. You know he's giving a thumbs-up at some point. What is happening?
The production level in the sequel gets a massive bump as well, from the sets to makeup, the lighting, cinematography, explosions, sound design....everything but the acting. Bad acting? Well yes, but it so works here. Fun is the top priority for not just the viewer but those involved on the set as well. Marlon Brando School of Method Acting takes a back seat and that's a good thing.
The whole film is an absolute blast with hot-pacing, fun jokes, way over-the-top action, great costumes and makeup, sexy ladies, ridiculous villains, a couple precocious scamps, awful acting, and some very subtle cinematography and special effects that reinforce the talent of one Jim Wynorski. This one can't be missed. Expect to see this again in Year in Review.
There is a very small occasional click in the audio of this episode. Adobe Audition isn't a great program. It's really small and you may not even notice it, but we want to apologize for it in advance.

Swamp Thing - Budget in the Bayou!

Nothing says the follow-up to Superman like a budget movie, right? It's that weird mix of camp, bad costumes, a busty lady, and villians of dubious intent. Oh, and it's also a fairy-tale love story. WTF is Swamp Thing?
It's surprisingly bad. Nothing can prepare you for how crummy this film is. You've got all the pieces that should make for an OK movie - the established Wes Craven only 2 years before his masterpiece. Adrienne Barbeau hot off her run of John Carpenter films, Ray Wise on his way to Leland nuttiness, Harry Manfredini ready to give the hot licks, Alan Moore's material, the backing of DC loaded up on cash after Superman. How did this go wrong?!?!
The makeup is awful, the costumes are atrocious, the writing is beyond nonsense, the story is a big question mark and then the way the whole thing ends is just nuts. This truly is one of the worst comic-book movies of all time.
That aside, it's a total blast - cheesy, cheesy fun. Swamp Thing is completely useless, despite having super-strength and healing powers. He mostly just chucks guys out of boats, then lets them get back in, then chucks them out, rinse and repeat. Meanwhile, Barbeau's Cable, is just getting nabbed over and over again. Useless.
The end...wow. Whomever thought that your epic climax would best be shown by a battle over a knight's sword between a man-pig and a guy in a loose rubber costume was going to wow audience's....yipes.
It's a must-do bad movie.

Collision Course - Not Rush Hour

Nothing says comedy team-up like when a street-wise cop has to be the American ambassador to a martial-arts packing fellow officer from the East to take down an international crime syndicate. Boy that sounds familiar. Unfortunately for everyone involved, this is NOT Rush Hour.
All uncanny resemblance to Rush Hour aside, there's not a lot here folks. It's very unfunny (groan-worthy) and pretty uneventful until the last 1/4 (when the movie shifts into a totally dark tone). Its a very slow and rough experience with just a sprinkle of fun, here and there.
HOWEVER, there is two show stealing scenes that ALMOST redeem the whole thing and definitely put it up in the fine-line between "do and don't". It still is incredibly close and depending upon the viewer is either going to give it a 50% (a do not) or a 51% (a do). It's that close.
So enter at your own risk.

Rent-a-Cop - Oh Burt...

We setup our tribute to the dearly missed Burt Reynolds with an examination of his first Razzie nomination as "bored actor who doesn't want to be in the same film as Liza Minnelli". It's like Sharky's Machine meets A Star is Born. Does that work for a bad movie "do"?
Let's get straight to the bad - the big bad is Liza. She's insufferable. It's not completely her fault as the script calls for the most annoying person ever as the "love interest" for hunky Burt - because that's how all cop movies should work right? So she is supposed to play an annoying person and she does that in spades or jazz hands or sea-urchin hair cuts. Whatever. It's awful and you can't put someone who is like nails on the chalkboard into a movie even if the role calls for it. You can't annoy your audience for 2 hours. Ugh.
Then there's Burt. Sweet, sweet Burt. He stinks. And it's his fault. It's a clinic on how to shoot an actor that in no way wants to be in your movie. Sadly this is the beginning of the end for Burt (until Boogie Nights) where he would take whatever role he could get. So he'd rather be in Cleveland than starring next to the most annoying character ever. It's a little tough to watch.
Aside from the bad, we come to the (not just good, but) GREAT James Remar. His villain, Dancer, is like a cut/paste from a Batman comic. He's so over-the-top for a cop movie (power-armor, knife-arm, the zipper-dance in the mirror) that he'd fit better in a 90's super-hero movie. It's fantastic and quintessential James Remar. Arguably, Dancer gets killed in the climax in the best way we've seen for years. 
So in the end, if you can cut through Liza's schtick you're gonna have a do here, but man is it tough to get past her. It's wall to wall jammering on and on and on and on...

Predator 2 - Murtaugh vs the teenage alien

In what appears to be a Predator version of a bar-mitzvah, Captain Murtaugh has to scratch his head and whisper to himself about things he sees in front of him to stop a bunch of gang-members with mega-guns and voodoo powers from getting their spines ripped out. Oh! AND Bill Paxton!
A movie with a 8 foot tall alien who rips people's spines out, Danny Glover, Bill Paxton and Gary Busey sounds like about the hottest thing that's ever existed. Sign me the hell up and lets get stupid!
Well hold on, kiddies. You've got the most destructive group in film you still have to account for. No, not The Asylum. The MFing MPAA. After extensive recuts (20 of them) to appease a group of soccer-moms with no knowledge of film study, Predator 2 is both lacking in imagination and luster. Its far too tame to work. Its like watching Volcano but with a Predator who's had his wings clipped by the MPAA. Its kinda just disappointingly boring.
It still has its moments here and there. Bill Paxton is put in the role he's made for - the slick Lone Ranger who wears clothes that are too big for him. Glover is as Murtaughy as he can get. The opening action sequence is way stupid and fun. But then everything afterwards is a disappointment. 
If you like Predator and haven't seen P2, then it's a do. But even then it's a one-time view. There is no need to revisit this one folks.

Slender Man - Not the trees! Not the trees!

A faceless board-room guy (probably the one that fired James Gunn) is also a tree-man, octopus, tarantula with very dubious motivations, but likely he's actually the ghost of Chalton Heston, arboriculturist.
Slender Man the movie was doomed before it came out the gate. There is no way to pay this much fan service to the original creepy-pasta while trying to make a sensical story. Once you put Slender Man into an environment that must have some sort of back-story and character motivations and that old bummer, the Protagonist/Antagonist diatribe you've got no choice but to make your new horror icon look about as clever as the bird in the desk of The Wicker Man.
The lighting is atrocious, the acting is middling, the writing is gadawful, and even the cat-stings are failed. It's like if someone hired the Asylum to helm their franchise hopeful. Yet beyond all that, there is some truly hilarious parts. There's a handful of lines that are so horrendously out-of-reality and out of place that you can be "that one guy" in the theater. Mash that up with two of the most hilarious "horror editing" (think The Ring) decisions and you have a great bad-movie.....almost.
While there is a smattering of hilarity sprinkled throughout, Slender Man is just this side of fun. There's far too much loose dialogue and wandering around being annoyingly moronic to put this into a "do" category. Expect it to rear its head when it comes time for the Stinker Madness Achievements in Bad Film-Making Award (SMABFA) awards. If you can manage to sneak into a very empty (I mean you, and two other people) and can riff this one out-loud you might be in for a good time.

St. Elmo's Fire - The Everest of Unholy Buttholes

When you look up pretentious, self-obsessed, socially awful, and completely uninterested in benefiting mankind in anyway in the dictionary (you can look those terms up, right?) then you see a picture of the "brat pack" from this clinic in deplorability.
I hate these people. Not one can be redeemed. Its horrifying how awful they are and how their awfulness is not the focus of the movie. This is one of those jobbers where people (who are just as awful) will say, "This is it. This shows the challenges of live after becoming a full adult and the struggle with transitioning between having no responsibilities and then suddenly thrust into the real world." No, this is just you being completely blind to how morally bankrupt these people are. ARRHSHSHGHGGH!!!!!
90% of the reason to show up for this is to see how shitty these people are and wonder why in the hell this movie was made (it serves 0 purpose). The other 5% is the random crap that Schumacher stuffs in behind the focal point of the POV. Weird clowns, puppets, a naked fat guy butt...etc. and then 5% of Judd Nelson and Rob Lowe completely flubbing their lines. 
It's not a great time folks. Don't enter into this thinking you're about to have fun. You're left at the end with a horrible taste in your mouth and the unanswered question of why it exists. Enter only ye of the toughest of stomach-strength. You must be a level 12 Stinker Tourist.

Miami Connection - Ninjas, drugs, music and fashion!

We take one of the most beloved stinkers of the last decade and find a new reason to justify the entire plot - a rumble to the death over the most important theme of the 1980's - high fashion.
Miami Connection is at the top of the list for most fans of crummy films and this is no accident. It's truly one of the most accessible bad movies of all time. Where some may struggle to view The Room and Fateful Findings there is something for everyone in YK Kim's masterpiece, especially those from the 80's or have 80's nostalgia. While those two items are helpful, they are not required. You can show this to just about anyone, from all ages and all walks of life.
Then there's Dragon Sound. In the usual vein of films like this you might catch a glimpse of the amazing band playing in the background but Dragon Sound is front and center throughout with two entire songs played without break in music video format. With some of the worst lyrics ever put to film and "Against the Ninja" showcasing the plot verbatim, Dragon Sound is the most beautiful train wreck set to video.
With a dubious plot (flushed out by us as about high fashion) you might get glued into the adventures of Dragon Sound and then nonsensical dialogue (at least the lines you can understand), but at the climatic scene you'll find yourselves inside of the hardest shift in direction of any film. Then last 20 minutes is a complete WTF as somehow YK Kim said to his cast-mates, "Hey, just go nuts" and they take it quite literally.
In the end, Miami Connection just gets better and better with each view and isn't just a pretender. It's a glorious example of why people love crummy movies and will go down as a classic and Hall of Fame material. It's a true treasure. Thank you, YK!