Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers

The Hurricane Heist - They still are making movies bad. Huh.

The US Dept of Treasury hires an ATF agent and some "Army guys" to protect $600 million on its way to a giant paper shredder. Then some baddies try to steal it. Set to the backdrop of a physically impossible hurricane. The only thing in their way? A weatherman and is mechanic brother. Too early to whisper SMABFA?
This movie is crap. Whether its enjoyable crap is a topic for debate, which we'll get into, but it's absolute crap. Fans of bad movies MUST see this film. It's astounding that we are still making screenplays that are this terrible. At no point did anyone bother to open a book to check out how hurricanes work. So the science is impossibly bad - like Armageddon bad. Yet, the science is not as bad as the plot. You guessed it, we're facing another round of the idiot plot. Both sides (good and bad guys) go out of their way to ensure the plot exists against their own interests. Stuff that next to atrocious dialogue such as:
"I hate old money. Been up too many noses and down too many G-strings."
So you've got the idiot plot, no knowledge of weather (or weather-men) and horrible dialogue and you've got the trifecta of awful screenplays.
While all that is happening there is a ton of great bad action. In total the characters die thirteen times without dying. What do I mean? Well they get stuck in situations (sometimes put their on their own) that by the rules of the movie itself, would have killed the characters only to see them somehow survive via the power of jump cuts. It's absolutely unbelievable - especially when the weatherman and ATF agent get the mechanic killed by sucking him into the hurricane only to have the mechanic casually show up later in a fishing boat. Bonkers.
While it's clearly going to be a SMABFA contender and one of the worst movies of the year, it's still not a great view. Necessary sure, but still not great. There's a lot of slow scenes and annoying backstory establishment (What the hell happened in Utah? Spoiler - you'll never know) that detract from the action. Look Twister suffers in the same way but we're carried through it by Paxton and Hunt and how they understand chemistry in acting. Maggie Grace and Toby Kebbell haven't figured out how that works. So don't expect anything great but you must at least check it out one time just to see that they are still making movies this bad.

Rampage - Giant Ape Balls Ahead!

Dwayne is back into being the charming, super-ripped, former Special Forces, who has more ability to punch a monster in the face than follow social norms. This time he's playing the role of 15th guy from the 4th level of the original video game. Plus 3 monsters destroy Chicago and Don Jr. makes his acting debut.
Thanks to the incredibly bad decisions of corporate scientist CEOs (whatever that is), we are treated to three genetically mutated former critters that eventually get to big and start smashing crap. You can imagine what that's like. So let's talk about everything else.
Dwayne is fantastic in his putting on a show. Ok, he's not exactly going to win any awards (probably ever) but he has pretty solid chemistry with something that doesn't exist. He's charming us while acting next to a not existent giant monster. Pretty solid stuff there.
Monster design works. This walks that fine line between too much and too little creature design and showcasing them. They look great.
Jake Lacy - wow. Absolutely steals the show away from Dwayne. His frat-boy, daddy paid my professors, CEO (see recent President's sons) performance is legit theater LOL worthy. He kills it.
Too much exposition. Sadly the first half isn't a page turner. There's a sprinkle of good stuff here and there but to try to make some semblance of believability they thought they could cram in far too much backstory here and way to much science talk over here. None of it matters! We came to see monsters fighting The Rock. Just do that!
However, for the most part, this film gets 90% of its popcorn-eating film genre work done well. Unfortunately, the draggy-ness of the exposition keeps it from being a fully enjoyable experience. With that all said, it's still clearly the best-made video game movie in history - which isn't really saying much.

Foodfight! - Sanctioned by the United Nations

Some people have no business making movies. Some people who have no business making movies REALLY have no business making animated movies. Foodfight! is a travesty. The UN should have sent inspectors into the production and placed sanctions against it. The Canadian Army should have liberated the people working on it from their captors. It's that bad.
Ok, so we know it's really bad. The animation is atrocious and the jokes are cringe-worthy. That's all been said. Let's get into this a little deeper.
Bestiality is prevalent. There are human people living inside the imaginary (maybe?) grocery store city. Several characters who are animals (specifically a chocolate squirrel) wants to bone down with these human women.
Nazi S&M - The head of the SS of brand icons (yes that'a thing here) enjoys both giving pain and receiving it IN A SEXUAL MANNER IN A CHILDREN'S MOVIE!
German Schizer Films - The same head of the SS at one point pees his pants and again enjoys it IN A SEXUAL MANNER IN A CHILDREN'S MOVIE! Many other characters get poop on them. Large amounts of cartoon poop. Some like it. Some don't but either way the movie repeats people getting pooped on again and again.
Agism - The villain is eventually revealed to be a "recalled" product line because the mascot was old and ugly, so no one bought it. Instead they bought the products of the young and pretty Japanese cat-lady thing. If this was presented as a problem in society (ie, Barber dolls) that would be fine but it's encouraged! This is a horrible lesson for children.
Weinsteinism - The villain sleeps her way to the top because of item #4. She gets cartoon plastic surgery, becomes a "hot" 3 inch tall human lady, and then screws all the members of the board of directors so that she can be in charge. This is NOT told as a villainous move, but a totally acceptable method of career climbing. "Sleep your way to the top girls! Your body is the only tool you have in life!" Disgusting.
So it's horribly offensive for your eyeballs because of the animation but its more offensive and not for your children (unless you suck) than anything. Foodfight! is a human rights violation. Screw this movie. It should not be viewed by anyone.

Deathstalker II - Are you adopted?

Like that weird kid that doesn't look anything like his parents, you may be thinking he's a weirdo and should be avoided. But then you bump into him at the punch bowl and realize he's one cool dude. That's Deathstalker II.
Once again, Jim Wynorski shows the world why he should be at the top of the list of directors who make budget films. While most similar directors are given a project like this and just crap it out for the paycheck (I'm talking to you, anyone who works for The Asylum) good ol' Jim is told to make a Conan-knockoff and then makes a buddy-copesque screwball comedy with lots of adventure and shenanigans. Jim is the DaVinci of crummy movies.
Leads John Terlasky and Monique Gabrielle "shine" together in excellence of LOL acting. While John plays the smarmy Errol Flynn competently, Gabrielle gives us two different roles (one straight-laced Princess impostor, the other a way-over-the-top damsel) there is clear evidence that she is hamming one of them up. She's beautifully terrible as Reena the Seer, yet competent as Princess Evie. It's proof positive that she is intentionally acting poorly in her main role and kills it. SAG members couldn't act this bad if they tried and she is trying. It's an achievement and should be rewarded for the mastery of her stink.
As usual, Jim pours on the gags and boobs (of which there are plenty), but showcases his giant brass ones in only his third film. There's slams on James Bond, Dino De Laurentiis, tropes of the genre, the fans of Deathstalker I, Roger Corman and anyone not savvy enough to pick up on these references. He's a fricking wizard with giant testes. Extra credit for including Mathilda the Hun from GLOW. Actually that's reason enough to give this movie an A+.
Deathstalker II is a must do and likely "Year in Review" top 10 finalist.

The Rage: Carrie 2

Once upon a time, a teenage girl got some tampooooons thrown at her and a British dessert poured on her. Twenty-three years later, a teenage girl gets caught up in a web of consensual teenage sex and becomes the most popular girl. Thankfully "Teen Witch" only ditched her friends when her powers manifested.
The Rage suffers from what we like to call "The Non-Existent Plot". The plot can't exist under the rules of the film itself - under scrutiny. At the same time, they manage to cram in the "Idiot Plot" as well. As one can predict the film attempts to follow the same lines of Carrie (1976) where a teenage girl with uncontrollable telekinesis is pushed to the edge and strikes back against those that are doing her harm. HOWEVER, this one falls flat on trying to make the audience identify and sympathize with the lead OR even the villains.
There's laws that don't exist. People don't know how phones work. People don't know how crime works. People don't know how dogs work. It's an atrocious script written by "I don't know how people work" alum - Rafael Moreu (Hackers) and a flaming pile of garbage.
While the plot is crap and the first 3/4 is a slow drag of watching mopey teenagers make out, the end (the unleashing of Carrie powers) is quite the baloney fest of fun. The way Carrie 2 murders all the teenagers, including a ROFL death for the eldest brother in Home Improvement, is an absolute blast and over-the-top dumb.
It's a close call to recommend this because there's some fun and then too much smoochy-smoo teenage love (that is incredibly unrealistic). It's a 50/50 chance that you will enjoy this so that makes it a do-not from us.

The Karate/Martial Arts Unspecial

With Jackie trapped inside a living hell called Winnemucca, Justin and Sam sit down to discuss everything martial arts. Inside we discuss our Top 5 Martial Art Movie Guys and then a look into The Sho Kosugi Ninja Theater with reviews of "The Dumb Boxer", "Ninja 8: Warrior on Fire" and "Ninja vs. Ninja".Plus we'll wrap up the tale of Gary Devore! Was he a spy? What did he know? We go into the possible cover-up into the death of one of the best crummy movie writers in film history.

America 3000 - Sam and Justin's "Citizen Kane"

Arguably the most unique of post-apocalyptic films and Cannon Group's darling, it's also one of the most under-rated budget films of history. This is a big deal folks and 2/3 Stinker Madness host's favorite b-movie.
PA films commonly suffer from their own existence. Most only take place in a "nuked" world because, welll... the desert is just right there. So they shoot this crappy $0 action film in a post-apocalyptic world because it's super cheap to do. The world they live in isn't even the focus. Then tack on a bunch of b-movie tropes (cars with random crap bolted on it, skimpy lady outfits, the chef-d'œuvre usually in the form of a head coming off or exploding at some point) and you've just got a bunch of people chasing each other around in the dirt. Whoopee!
America 3000 busts directly through all that, possibly accidentally, and tells a multi-layered, universe-driven story, where the focus is shifted away from giant radioactive cockroaches or Zardoz-like swinger communities, and into a world with deep political divides, GofT style conspiracies and plotting, societal conflicts and complications and humanitarian issues. All while fitting in a balding Sasquatch and a Hal Needham level of chaos battle-scene.
Wait, did you say there is a Sasquatch in this movie? Yes, there is Aargh. Aargh the Awful, in fact. A character like Aargh in just about any other crappy film we cover would be the lone reason to show up. Yet this is more of a "all this stuff plus there is Aargh" type scenario.
America 3000 is a missed treasure in film history on either side of the good/bad genre of film enjoyment and film study. It's competently made on a tight-budget with a beautifully deep story that is truly like an onion. The characters are endearing, the action is excellent (and dangerous), the comedy is solid, the music is amazing, and worth watching over and over again - if only to fully comprehend how complex the world-building is. It's like a 18 course meal fit for Georgie Porgie, finished with a Creme de Aaargh, the greatest freeze-frame/credits ever made.
It's Justin and Sam's favorite bad movie of all time and sits squarely atop the "Bad Movie Hall of Fame" like a proud mutated Bigfoot man that loves rock n' roll. No greater thing can be enjoyed in the world. It's "hot plastic".

Hawkeye - When in Vegas, don't - just don't

Steer clear of the police in Las Vegas in 1988 is the absolute message of this super-budget gem of a tough cop movie. Penalties for being alive are getting kicked in the face while walking down a hallway and being beat to death while sitting in a chair.
Hawkeye (1988) is a film that does not showcase the talents of a guy with a bow and arrow. It instead showcases the talents of a guy who is not Eddie Murphy and a guy who likes his Guess Jeans butt a bit too much. The matchup of Chuck Jeffreys and George Chung is bad-movie comedy gold. They are ridiculous, horribly corrupt, and clueless in all aspects of life. 
Yet despite being inept, corrupt, racist, torture approving, innocent person shooting/punching/kicking, "shit-packing", girlfriend neglecting, sons-of-bitches the pair of Wilson and Hawkamoto are an absolute blast to follow around in their awful policing. This is a must do.

Eragon - Use the Force, Caleb!

To the disheartening of many fans of the book series, men in ties decide to make a dragon movie without any dragons in it and decide the story is too confusing so they just remade Star Wars. Beware the powers of the dark side of jelly beans!
If you're like us and have never read the Eragon book series, then you'll arguably have less problems with the divergence (that wasn't an accident) of the source material from the pre-teen books to this flaming pile of nonsense. It's a necessary position to look at the 2006 film objectively. We don't know the back story and the subtle elements of the world that this takes place in (if there are any) so don't come at us, bro! And in any situation, none of that should matter - because Eragon the movie, at least, doesn't suffer from it's abandonment from the source material - it suffers from the direct theft of OTHER source material.
It's just Star Wars gang. Which may seem like an oversimplification of the standard "epic" format of storytelling, ie. Star Wars, Gilgamesh, LOTR,  The Iliad and The Odyssey, et. al. we can show you that it is a direct case of intellectual property theft or the great scene heist of 2006. Perhaps the writing team called in Danny Ocean...
A trusted member of a high-order of wizards murders and betrays his fellows to gain ultimate and dark power
An orphaned boy is sent to live with his uncle on a farm because of a past as yet untold to him
The boy comes into possession of a valuable item the evil wizard wants to reclaim
The boy finds information out about the item by speaking to a good wizard whose neighbors see him to a be a weirdo
The good wizards also has a secret past that he doesn't want to reveal to the neighbors
The evil wizard sends out his troops to capture the item and murder the boy and anyone helping him
The boy returns home to find that his uncle has been murdered by the troops
The boy is left with no option but to follow a friendly wizard on a quest to save the universe
The wizard explains to boy that in order to save the universe they must get the item of value to a group of rebels
Along the way the boy must learn the ways of a mysterious energy that gives him powers
The evil wizard captures the boy's friend in order to trap the boy and prevent him from finishing his training
The boy is told by his mentor wizard that its a trap and the boy ignores him and knowingly falls into the trap
The boy escapes the trap after a serious loss of a friend with the help of a stranger who must redeem himself from his ties to the evil empire
The friend who is lost during the trap episode is encased in an unbreakable material formed by temperature extremes
The boy and his team find the rebel base, but also lead the evil wizard to their location as well
The boy suits up and climbs aboard his flying machine to fight off the incoming attackers
In order to defeat the attackers, the boy must stop relying on his enhanced vision and trust his senses
There is also a secret past to the boy's father and his relationship to the female character (who is a princess) and how their sexual tension might be icky later
There you go. 18 points of direct copying of Star Wars. Try to argue that against us kids.
In the end, Eragon isn't a great bad movie, but it's uncanny rip-off of that space wizards movie makes it a great time for riffing. So it's a do.

Year 4 in Review Part 2

It's been four wonderful years of bringing you the greatest bad and cult films, all while having some pretty important discussions on craft and farts with plenty of laughs along the way.
This episode we recap our favorite movies we watched in the previous year of podcasting. Each host catalogs their top ten and hope that you can find some extra time to watch each and every one of these movies. This episode we recap our top 4-1 choices, along with our favorite 3 movies of 2017.