Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers

Prelude to Congo

Last year we made a hard decision that the classic Michael Crichton adaptation Congo was a must do for an episode and now we have reached the point where its time for such shenanigans. It's lasers, gorillas and greed and everything you want.
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
Gantz:O - Netflix
Supersonic Man - Rifftrax - Amazon Prime
Super Inframan - Amazon Prime
The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate
Water Freeze Man - 8.75/10 Stars

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers - Bloody Hilarious

When it comes to making a title that is indicative of the plot, well this one nails it. Take 33% LA noir detective business, 33% chainsaw murders and 33 1/3% dancing topless hookers and you've got one of Fred Olen Ray's masterpieces. Hard to not love this blast o' laughs.
HCH (to save time) is hilarious...and quite intentionally. It's the opinion of this writer that Fred Olen Ray could have easily linked up with the Zucker Brothers and Jim Abrahams. If only he had been involved during Jane Austen's Mafia. It may have not been the turd that it was. There's plenty of slapstick and parody that keep the viewer focused on the jokes more than the huge boobs (which is quite the achievement).
Then there's the cast. Wowie. Its a cavalcade of silly performances mixed with killer comedic timing that really take this movie about boobs from a late-night wankfest into a 90% on Rottentomatoes.com. Linnea Quigley, John H. Richardson, Michelle Bauer, and Dukey Flyswatter (Michael Sonye) kill in front of the camera and put on a clinic of how to make a low-budget movie one heck of of a great time. It should also be noted that friend of the program, Christopher Olen Ray, appears as Kid at Bar, who gives the lead quite the snark while enjoying a fancy martini in a dingy "get stabbed" strip joint. Standing ovation.
HCH cannot be missed by any fan of the genre and shouldn't be missed by the majority of film fans. It's up there with Hell Comes to Frogtown in low budget and exceptional pieces of art. Bravo Fred. 

Prelude to Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers

Jackie brings in the first Fred Olen Ray film in that old tale of hookers on a hellbent rampage with some nasty chainsaws and lots of boobies.
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
Deathrace 2050 - Netflix
The Pumaman - MST3K - Netflix or YouTube OR without MST3K on YouTube
The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Couple's Edition
Tarzan and Jane
Barney and Betty Rubble
Joker and Harley Quinn

The Great Wall - Bad Movie Field Trip

Matt Damon and Oberyn Martell find themselves in the middle of the Battle for Helm's Deep with an Elven army posing as Chinese on one side and an horde of Orcs posing as aliens on the other. Yep...aliens. Our front runner for dumbest film ever made.
The plot of The Great Wall is easily the most poorly thought out plot since....well ever. Its dumber than Reign of Fire. It's dumber than Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. It's dumber than After Earth AND Lady in the Water AND The Happening combined. It can't be understated how dumb this film's plot is. The only way you can argue the logistics of this "war" between the Chinese and space dog-lizards is that both sides are complete morons.
The entire thing goes that these space monsters flew across the expanse of space atop an asteroid that crashed into Earth. So their nasty and want to eat people...sorta. Well the Chinese aren't down with getting turned into poop so they built a 5,500 mile wall to keep these little bastards out. Out of what is yet to be determined.
Now the other plot elements one must know: 
There's gajillizions of these monsters.
There is no global damage to the Earth from the asteroid.
They have three types of aliens: 1) Foot soldiers who are about the size of a great dane 2) Umbrella phalanx who use their head to make a shield and 3) the Queen who is about the size of an elephant. There's only 1 queen and she's the mothership from Independence Day, controlling the minds of all the other critters.
The Great Wall is a 1,000 feet tall.
There's plenty of people living on the alien side o' the wall.
The bug-dogs only come out of their mountain cave once every 60 years.
Once you find out about the existence of monsters you can never leave the Great Wall.
The monster cave is just right over there from the main force of the Chinese Elven Army.
Now...
If the monsters fell to Earth on an asteroid and no damage was done to the Earth, we must infer that the monsters were either protoplasm and then evolved into this horde of gajillions OR only a few lived on the asteroid and the Queen is one hell of a breeder. BUT the movie tells us that this HUGE mass of gajillions came on the asteroid. Where did they fit? How did they survive entry into the atmosphere? How did they survive the impact? How did the Earth survive?
Why would you want the monsters to be a closely held secret? Wouldn't you be like "Hey, uh...Europe...uh we got this problem..." Instead you can never tell. What the fuck?
What the fuck are the aliens doing the rest of the time? What do they got going on for 60 years? And if they go dormant for 60 years, why wouldn't you walk down to their monster cave (that's also just right over there) and start murdering the shit out of them!
And if they are just right over there and isolated to one geographical location, why in the FUCK didn't you just build the Wall in a circle around them?!?!?
And because you're a moron and didn't trap them or murder them while they slept or bred or whatever the fuck it is they are doing inside their monster cave for 60 years, why wouldn't the lizard-bug-dogs just go down the wall a little ways, jump up (because they can I guess as must be inferred by one "action sequence") then run down the wall from either side of the Elven army and eat them while they are having some delicious General Tso 's chicken?
Why in the hell are the monsters so interested in getting over the damn wall? I know that the film tells us that the Chinese myths say that they were sent to rid the world of man's greed and so they must eat the Chinese Emperor.... But really? There's tons of guys on their side of the wall. I'm sure some of them are greedy. Eat them!
Aside from how dumb the plot is this film is well worth it for the incredibly bad action sequences, the horrendous dialogue and the wooden and confused performance from Matt Damon sporting a sometimes there Irish accent. It will have you cowering in your seat, while you giggle yourself to embarrassment at how awful it is. This flaming pile of lizard-dog crap is going to be tough to beat for Best Bad Movie of 2017.

Twister - We'll Miss You, Bill Paxton

We all lost a huge part of our show and entertainment in general in the passing of Bill Paxton. He was a one of a kind type of actor and while that may seem cliche to say in the wake of someone's death in Hollywood, we'll stand by it. Bill had a depth that few possess, taking roles as varied as the pyschotic Severen in Near Dark (and is the only reason to watch the movie) to the silly Matt Owens in (Slipstream) to the model for a douche in Simon from True Lies (and steals the comedic show from Arnold and Arnold) to the warm but frightened Fred Haise in Apollo 13. The guy could play anything. 
So with that in mind, we tackle the 1996 disasterooney of Twister. With all its cliches and tropes that run rampant in the disaster genre, can the immensely popular film stand up to 20 years of time since its release? Who is this Helen Hunt lady? How did Phillip Seymour Hoffman become a thing? Is that a flying cow? All this and more revealed in our podcast episode. Listen to it!
Twister is WOW stupid. It falls into that mold of "these characters should have died in multiple instances but don't thanks to ludicrous writing". And they are all pretty blatant. One does not need to be a forensic scientist to understand that these people died multiple times. Pretty awesome stupid.
The acting...wow. Bill and Helen Hunt do fine with their roles but EVERY single other actor blows at least one line, with Jami Gertz leading the crappy acting battle charge. It's hilarious.
The action is fairly stupid and nonstop. In one sequence, the find themselves being chased down by a 'nado while being stuck in a ditch at 75mph. The chase ends in a head-on collision. Then there's the Dodge Ram. The most invincible vehicle ever built. Crap is flying all over the place at all times, the 'nados are monsters with sentience and a voice, and the heavy amount of 'nados in one day would imply that the Midwest is a desolate wasteland and completely unliveable (oh wait, that's true). 
The science is bad, the physics are bad, the invulnerability of humans and trucks are a staple, plot convenience abounds (where are they getting all these Dorothys?) and it never lets up. Go ahead and take a revisit of Twister and if you haven't seen it, stop what you're doing and check it out.

Encino Man - Proof positive that weed works

We get straight to weezin' the juice as a caveman gets called out for being, well...a caveman. It's that old story of boy meets girl, boy gets frozen in a glacier and then boy meets potheads and learns the wonders of the doobage.
Encino Man is a movie that shouldn't be any fun at all. But it is. End of story. It has that strange ability to be not funny but fun throughout. It's outlandish, ridiculous, and stupid but never stops being a wild ride.
What may not be overtly stated is that the movie tells us that the only way to not get murdered by a caveman and have a smooth transition for him into modern society is marijuana. There's no onscreen use of the pot but behind the scenes it's heavily implied. If you know anything about potheads and the things that surround them, you'll spot this pretty easily. Stoney (Pauly Shore) is the easy spot but those who know what I'm talking about will also recognize Dave (Sean Astin) as that straight-laced fella whose parents don't know he's into the weed.
Need to seduce the popular girl and become prom-king? Dig a swimming pool by yourself with just a shovel. Potheads.
So you find a caveman...and you put him in a shed with heaters so that he will thaw out....while you're at school. Potheads.
Believe that the pile of melted ice in said shed means that the caveman melted along with the ice. Potheads.
Believe that being friends with a caveman will make you popular at school and get the girl. Potheads.
Even Dave's parents are potheads as evidenced by "Who is this caveman-looking-guy? And what's up with the house being trashed?" says mom. Dave's reply: "He's that exchange student I told you about." Mom: "Oh...ok I forget crap all the time!" Potheads.
So much fun and shenanigans make Encino Man a great revisit from a popular film that shouldn't stand up to time but totally does. Check it out as soon as you can.
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:Riffability:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Prelude to Encino Man

After weeks of pitching a fit, Jackie is subjected to a film she appears to be not much of a fan of. It's the story of a caveman frozen in ice for millennia only to thawed out in early 90's SoCal....what possibly horrors will he (or us) face in Encino Man?!?!
The Stinker Madness Academy Award Special!
We take a look at each of the films and share our meat and two bits with you! That makes this episode a bit on the long side but we had quite a bit to say about this years field. There will be spoilers so be careful!
The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor
Sean Astin
Brenden Fraser
Pauly Shore

2016 SMABFAs

The hottest awards for bad films in 2016 are here and the winners are all set. Listen to the 2016 SMABFA Podcast and check out all the nominees and winners below.
And the Nominees  & Winners are (winner in bold):
Best Bad Movie - The Most Enjoyable Bad Movie
London Has Fallen
Gods of Egypt
Nine Lives
Independence Day: Resurgence
Zoolander 2
Worst Bad Movie - The Least Enjoyable Bad Movie
Mother's Day
Warcraft
Suicide Squad
Xmen: Apocalypse
Allegiant
Best Bad Actor - Most Enjoyable Performance by a Male Actor
Gerard Butler - Gods of Egypt
Brent Spiner - Independence Day: Resurgence
Gerard Butler - London Has Fallen
Christopher Walken - Nine Lives
Kevin Spacey - Nine Lives
Best Bad Actress - Most Enjoyable Performance by a Female Actor
Margot Robbie - Suicide Squad
Maika Monroe - The 5th Wave
Vivica A. Fox - Independence Day: Resurgence
Emily Blunt - The Huntsman: Winter's War
Charlize Theron - The Huntsman: Winter's War
MST3K Most Riffable - The easiest and most fun to make fun of film while viewing
Gods of Egypt
The 5th Wave
Nine Lives
Ben-Hur
Independence Day: Resurgence
Worst Bad Actor - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Male Actor
Jared Leto - Suicide Squad
Jesse Eisenberg - Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice
Johnny Depp - Alice Through the Looking Glass
Daniel Radcliffe - Now You See Me 2
Jeff Goldblum - Independence Day: Resurgence
Worst Bad Actress - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Female Actor
Jennifer Garner - Nine Lives
Anne Hathaway - Alice Through the Looking Glass
Jennifer Aniston - Mother's Day
Kate Hudson - Mother's Day
Cara Delevingne - Suicide Squad

Gymkata - Don't let Trump watch this

USA Gold Medal magnet, Kurt Thomas, stars as John Cabot, a USA Gold Medal magnet/super secret agent/diplomat to strange lands. So he solo invades Parmistan, an absolutely insane country, to play "The Game" to get a satellite substation. Well that makes perfect sense!
Gymkata is serious shenanigans. It could be argued that it's the most bonkers movie we've reviewed and definitely the most poorly thought out. While most might focus on the unawesome martial art that combines gymnastics and karate (which puts it in the Streaming Do's and Don'ts realm) the country of Parmistan is our focus. Parmistan is impossible. It can't work. How does diplomacy work? Do they have foreign trade? Is their military only made of ninja or are they more like the secret police? Is there a system of government besides the Khan? I personally believe that someone, probably Pakistan, would have bombed Parmistan back into the Stone Age, but Parmistan never got out of the Stone Age so I guess bomb them back to the times of the dinosaurs (they may also have dinosaurs).
This is a really terrible movie. Sure, it's fun. But not fun in the usual manner. Take Megaforce for example. It's really bad but it's awesome. The action is awesome, the vehicles are awesome, the bad guy's awesome. It drips awesome. But Gymkata is the opposite. When Kurt Thomas fights guys using his special style it's quite not awesome. It's laughable at how dump it looks. If a child pretends to fight with Gymkata with their friends in the backyard, they are going to get beat up. It's a one way ticket to Bullytown.
This is a so bad it's amazing material. SOOOOO bad. Great time.

Prelude to Gymkata

This week on the podcast we gear up for one of the most notorious bad movies ever made and a hallmark of stupidity. When you need to invade a country that doesn't make any sense, send in an Olympic Gold Medalist!
The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate
Immunity to negative drug side effects - 7.75 out of 10 stars
The 2016 SMABFA Nominations
Best Bad Movie
The Huntsman: Winter’s War
London Has Fallen
Gods of Egypt
Mechanic: Resurrection
Nine Lives
Zoolander 2
The Boy
Independence Day: Resurgence
Worst Bad Movie
Mother’s Day
Alice Through the Looking Glass
Warcraft
Now You See Me 2
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
Suicide Squad
X-Men: Apocalypse
Ghostbusters
Allegiant
Best Bad Actor
Gerard Butler -  Gods of Egypt
Kevin Spacey – Nine Lives
Gerard Butler - London has Fallen
Jason Statham – Mechanic: Resurrection
Brent Spiner – Independence Day: Resurgence
Bill Pullman - Independence Day: Resurgence
Chris Hemsworth -  Huntsman: Winter’s War
Christopher Walken – Nine Lives
Worst Bad Actor
Jared Leto - Suicide Squad
Tye Sheridan – Xmen: Apocalypse
Bill Murray – Ghostbusters
Daniel Radcliffe – Now You See Me 2
Jeff Goldblum – Independence Day: Resurgence
John Depp – Alice through the Looking Glass
Jesse Eisenberg – Batman V Superman
Best Bad Actress
Emily Blunt - Huntsman: Winter’s War
Charlize Theron - Huntsman: Winter’s War
Jessica Alba – Mechanic: Resurrection
Gal Gadot: Batman V Superman
Margot Robbie - Suicide Squad
Kristen Wig - Zoolander 2
Maika Monroe – 5th Wave
Vivica A. Fox – ID4; 2
Penelope Cruz – Zoolander 2
Anne Hathaway – Alice through the Looking Glass
Aubrey Plaza – Dirty Grandpa
Worst Bad Actress
Jessica Alba – Mechanic: Resurrection
Kate McKinnon – Ghostbusters
Jennifer Aniston – Mother’s Day
Lizzy Caplan – Now You See Me 2
Kate Hudson – Mother’s Day
Penelope Cruz – Zoolander 2
Cara Delevingne - Suicide Squad
Anne Hathaway – Alice through the Looking Glass
Mia Wasikowska - Alice through the Looking Glass
Jennifer Garner – Nine Lives
MST3K Riffibility 
Nine Lives
Ben-Hur
Mechanic: Resurrection
Independence Day: Resurgence
Batman V Superman
Dirty Grandpa
The 5th Wave
Gods of Egypt
Huntsman – Winter’s War