Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers

Rollerball - Could be the worst movie of all time

Its bad. I mean, so, so, so very bad. Like "worst movie of all time discussion" bad.
"Rollerball" (2002) is a cinematic catastrophe of epic proportions. This abomination of a film is a perfect storm of incompetence, delivering an experience so profoundly dreadful that it defies all reason and logic. From its mind-numbingly idiotic plot to its nauseatingly abysmal editing, every aspect of this cinematic disaster screams of ineptitude.
Let's start with the plot—or rather, the lack thereof. Attempting to discern any semblance of coherence or intelligence from the narrative of "Rollerball" is an exercise in futility. It's as if the writers threw darts at a board covered in clichés and assembled whatever they hit. The result is a plot so insanely stupid that it effectively nullifies its own existence. Characters flail about in a sea of nonsensical motivations and contrived conflicts, leaving audiences scratching their heads in bewilderment and frustration.
But the plot is only the tip of the iceberg of incompetence. The editing in "Rollerball" is a masterclass in how not to edit a film. Action sequences, purportedly the film's main draw, are rendered incomprehensible by choppy cuts and frenetic camerawork. Every punch, kick, and jump is shrouded in a haze of confusion, leaving viewers squinting at the screen in vain attempts to discern what is happening. It's a dizzying, disorienting mess that serves only to induce headaches and nausea.
And then there's the infamous night vision sequence—a nauseating descent into visual hell that defies description. This sequence, purportedly intended to add tension and excitement, instead serves as a testament to the filmmakers' complete disregard for their audience's well-being. The frenzied camera movements combined with the sickly green tint of the night vision filter result in a sensory assault of epic proportions, leaving viewers reaching for the nearest barf bag.
As if the technical incompetence wasn't enough, "Rollerball" also boasts a cast whose performances range from forgettable to cringe-worthy. Chris Klein, Rebecca Romijn, and LL Cool J stumble through their lines with all the grace and charisma of cardboard cutouts, their accents veering wildly between inconsistent and outright laughable. It's a parade of mediocrity that only serves to compound the film's myriad failures.
In conclusion, "Rollerball" is unequivocally the worst movie we've ever reviewed. Yes, its a more poorly made and executed that "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation". Its plot is a nonsensical mess, its editing is a nauseating nightmare, and its performances are uniformly terrible. And yet, despite all of its flaws, it remains a must-watch for aficionados of cinematic train wrecks. So gather your friends, stock up on barf bags, and prepare to witness the cinematic equivalent of a dumpster fire. You'll regret every minute of it, but you won't be able to look away.

Roadhouse (2024) - Dalton should've packed more shirts

 Dalton hasn't calmed down much in 35 years but he's gotten a lot more polite when he's punching your nose into your face.
"Roadhouse" (2024) starring Jake Gyllenhaal offers a lukewarm viewing experience that leaves much to be desired. While the action direction from Doug Liman is undeniably thrilling, it's unfortunately overshadowed by a frustratingly lackluster script that feels like a missed opportunity at every turn.
Gyllenhaal steps into the iconic role with commendable effort, bringing his own spin to the character, but ultimately, the script fails to fully utilize his talents. The plot feels disjointed and often veers into the realm of the absurd, leaving audiences scratching their heads rather than fully immersed in the action.
One can't help but compare this rendition to the beloved original, which continues to draw annual viewings from dedicated movie lovers. While the 2024 version has its moments of excitement, it lacks the timeless appeal and depth of its predecessor.
Overall, "Roadhouse" (2024) is not an unenjoyable experience, but it's certainly a one-and-done affair. Viewers may find themselves entertained in the moment, but it's unlikely to leave a lasting impression or inspire repeated viewings.

Riding the Bus with my Sister - Wait, isn't this just a Hallmark movie?

Rosie O'Donnell does the thing Robert Downey Jr. said never to do and earns all of the internet's hatred...but is it deserved?
"Riding the Bus with My Sister" is a film that falls squarely in the realm of made-for-TV movies, a genre often associated with mediocrity. Yet, within this sea of forgettable productions, this 2005 offering manages to stand out—not necessarily as a shining gem, but certainly as a passable diversion.
On the surface, it's easy to dismiss "Riding the Bus with My Sister" as just another Hallmark Channel movie, known for their often formulaic and saccharine narratives. And while this film does share some of those traits, it also manages to offer moments of genuine warmth and sincerity that elevate it slightly above the typical Hallmark fare.
One of the most notable aspects of the film is Rosie O'Donnell's portrayal of a neuro-divergent character—a choice that has garnered both criticism and praise. It's undeniable that in today's landscape, casting decisions like this would be scrutinized for lacking authenticity and representation. However, it's important to recognize that the fault lies not with O'Donnell herself, but with the industry norms of the time.
The story itself follows familiar beats: estranged siblings reconnecting, personal growth through shared experiences, and the power of acceptance and understanding. While these themes are handled competently, they lack the depth and nuance that could elevate the film to something truly memorable.
In the end, "Riding the Bus with My Sister" is a middling affair, neither deserving of the vitriol it sometimes receives nor the effusive praise from certain quarters. It's a movie that fulfills its modest ambitions without ever truly transcending them. And while it may not be a masterpiece, it serves as a reminder of the limitations and missed opportunities that often characterize made-for-TV productions.

Tiptoes - Nobody puts Oldman in the sofa, baby

A cavalcade of terrible decisions that 3 Oscar winners and an Emmy winner decided was good for them, gave us a movie that's good for us but no one else.
"Tiptoes" is a cinematic trainwreck that defies all expectations of quality filmmaking. From its cringe-inducing dialogue to its baffling plot twists, this movie is a prime example of how NOT to make a film. Despite boasting not one, not two, but THREE Oscar-winning actors in its cast, "Tiptoes" is a catastrophic failure that leaves audiences scratching their heads in disbelief.
The film clumsily attempts to tackle serious themes, masquerading as Oscar bait with its contrived drama and heavy-handed messages. However, instead of delivering poignant moments, it delivers unintentional hilarity. You'll find yourself laughing at scenes that were clearly meant to evoke tears.
But the real kicker? Gary Oldman, a supremely talented actor, is somehow stuffed into a couch for a significant portion of the movie, both literally and metaphorically. Yes, you read that right. In a desperate attempt at authenticity, the filmmakers thought it would be a good idea to confine one of Hollywood's finest actors to the confines of furniture. It's as absurd as it sounds. Just cast a little person in the role, dammit!!!
"Tiptoes" is a disaster from start to finish, a cautionary tale in the annals of cinema history. Save yourself the agony and steer clear of this cinematic dumpster fire. Even the presence of Oscar winners can't salvage this mess. Unless you're like us, and then its a must watch.

Blown Away - Bombs, sure, but not they way they wanted

The nachos I ate during viewing were far more explosive.
Blown Away (1994) has all the ingredients for a high-octane thriller, with an explosive premise centered around a former IRA terrorist, played by Jeff Bridges, who becomes a bomb disposal expert. However, the end result is an underwhelming movie that leaves audiences feeling like they've just sat through a 2-hour snooze fest. The film is full of promise, but it fails to deliver on its potential.
One of the most glaring issues with Blown Away is its lack of pacing. Despite the promise of the plot, the film drags on for what feels like an eternity. The pacing is so sluggish that it becomes a struggle to stay engaged with the story. Additionally, the movie is filled with far too many scenes that seem to exist solely for the purpose of having "bomb" in the them. These scenes are repetitive and add little to the overall plot, making them feel like filler.
Another major problem with Blown Away is its failure to establish any real stakes. The film never truly feels suspenseful or thrilling, as there is no sense of danger or urgency. The lack of stakes makes it difficult for audiences to become invested in the story or care about the characters. Its just a guy clipping the red wire frequently. Action wire cutters!
Furthermore, the film is riddled with annoying characters and unnecessary exposition that detract from the overall experience. Tommy Lee Jones's character is especially grating, and his incessant need to crack jokes and spout off one-liners quickly becomes tiresome.
In conclusion, Blown Away has an interesting premise and a talented cast, but it ultimately fails to deliver on its potential. The lack of pacing, stakes, and annoying characters make it a tedious and unenjoyable watch.

Ishtar - Ishnotsobad?

Notorious for being one of the biggest flops of all time, can it be as bad as history has made it out to be? 
The 1987 film "Ishtar" and let me just say, is...confusing. The movie seems to have garnered a reputation for being a colossal flop, and while I can understand why some might hold that opinion, I believe there's more to it than meets the eye.
Let's start with the positives. It's clear that Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman, two respected actors, had a chemistry that worked on screen. Their comedic timing, though often misfired, had moments of genuine amusement. Moreover, I can't help but appreciate the audacity of the film's premise: two struggling musicians get caught up in a web of international intrigue while trying to make it big in North Africa. It's the sort of outlandish setup that could have resulted in a cult classic if executed differently. Think Romancing the Stone but executed like Condorman.
Yet, execution is where the film struggles most. The jokes, while sometimes clever, often fall flat. The film's pacing is erratic, and at times, it feels like it's meandering without a clear sense of direction. It's as if the film doesn't quite know what it wants to be: a political satire, a buddy comedy, or a musical journey.
Speaking of musical journey, let's talk about the songs. They're bad. Really bad. And that's not a criticism, it's intentional. It's evident that the film's creators wanted to parody the cheesy pop songs of the '80s, and in that regard, they succeeded. Beatty and Hoffman deliver these intentionally bad songs in an intentionally bad manner, and while I respect the commitment, it doesn't necessarily make for an enjoyable viewing experience.
Ultimately, "Ishtar" is a film with good intentions and a willingness to take risks. It tries to do something different and bold, and for that, I can't completely write it off. However, it's clear that it doesn't fully succeed in its ambitions. It's not as bad as its reputation suggests, but it's also not very good. Whether that's enough to warrant a watch, well, that's for you to decide.

Lisa Frankenstein - It's pronounced LEE-SAW!

I fell in love with these murderous undead bastards and there's nothing wrong with our love!!!
Lisa Frankenstein is a delightful film that takes classic Gothic horror elements and sprinkles them with an unparalleled whimsy. The movie hits all the right notes with precision and panache, creating a memorable viewing experience that leaves a lasting impression. This praise-worthy offering deserves applause for several reasons.
First and foremost, the cast deserves immense credit for bringing their A-game to the table. Each actor fully embodies their respective characters, breathing life into the quirky, offbeat personalities we've come to love. Their chemistry on-screen is palpable, making their interactions feel genuine and heartfelt. From the leading roles to the supporting cast, every performance is delivered with impeccable timing and nuance.
The art direction in Lisa Frankenstein is a feast for the eyes, blending the familiar with the fantastical. The sets are rich in detail, transporting viewers to a world that's equal parts eerie and enchanting. The vivid color palette and imaginative designs create a visual spectacle that's truly mesmerizing.
Zelda Williams' directorial debut is nothing short of impressive. Her vision for the film is evident in every frame, showcasing her talent and passion for storytelling. She strikes the perfect balance between comedy and romance, ensuring that both elements are given their due. Her direction adds depth to the characters and amplifies the film's emotional resonance.
The cinematography in Lisa Frankenstein is breathtaking, capturing the film's whimsical charm and gothic aesthetic with finesse. The camera work is dynamic and inventive, enhancing the narrative and immersing viewers in the story. Every shot is carefully composed, creating a visual masterpiece that's as captivating as it is stunning.
The script is another standout element of the film, filled with witty dialogue and clever humor. The writing is sharp and engaging, keeping audiences entertained from start to finish. The story unfolds with a perfect blend of suspense, humor, and heart, making for an unforgettable cinematic experience.
Last but not least, the score is a standout component of Lisa Frankenstein, enhancing the film's atmosphere and adding depth to its emotional beats. The music is evocative and memorable, perfectly complementing the action on-screen. It's a testament to the talent of the composers, who have crafted a score that's both timeless and unforgettable.
In summary, Lisa Frankenstein is a cinematic gem that deserves all the praise it (erroneously) hasn't received. It's a rare find in today's film landscape, hitting all the right notes with charm and grace. From its stellar cast to its captivating art direction, this movie is a must-see for any fan of fun, quirky and horror comedies with a twist. It's clear that the cast and crew poured their hearts and souls into this project, and their dedication shines through in every frame. If you haven't already, do yourself a favor and give Lisa Frankenstein a watch – you won't be disappointed.

Night Teeth - Ugh, valley girl vampires are so passe.

Thirsty vamps get Ubered around town on a poorly thought out territory takeover only to find true love in....Benny?
"Night Teeth," the latest Netflix Original Movie, is a cocktail of clichés served with a side of disappointment. While the premise promises a thrilling ride through the underworld of vampires, the execution falls flat, leaving viewers with a lukewarm taste in their mouths.
One of the most glaring issues with "Night Teeth" is its lack of originality. From the very beginning, it feels like we've seen this story a thousand times before, just with different actors and slightly altered plot points. The predictable narrative unfolds at a snail's pace, failing to offer any surprises or twists to keep the audience engaged.
Adding insult to injury, the characters in "Night Teeth" are as forgettable as they come. There's not a single likable soul among them, which makes it difficult to invest in their fates or care about their struggles. The vampires, in particular, are portrayed as nothing more than smug, one-dimensional jerks who lack any depth or nuance.
As for the lead character, he's little more than a buffoon stumbling his way through the plot. His constant blunders and foolish decisions make it impossible to root for him, and it's frustrating to watch him fall victim to what can only be described as 'the idiot plot'—where the story only progresses because the characters behave irrationally.
In the end, "Night Teeth" feels like a missed opportunity to breathe new life into the vampire genre. Instead, it's a lackluster affair that fails to deliver on its promises of excitement and intrigue. Unless you're a die-hard fan of uninspired storytelling and cardboard characters, you're better off sinking your teeth into something else on Netflix's menu.

Action USA - All Action, All the Time

When a stuntman as prolific as John Stewart directs an action movie, you better believe you're gonna have a good time.
If you're a fan of over-the-top action, jaw-dropping stunts, and a movie that never takes itself too seriously, look no further than "Action USA"! This adrenaline-fueled extravaganza is a rollercoaster of mayhem, delivering a cinematic experience that's equal parts thrilling and downright hilarious.
From start to finish, "Action USA" boasts an impressive array of mind-blowing stunts that seem to defy the laws of physics. The film takes "go big or go home" to a whole new level, with each scene trying to outdo the last in a glorious display of cinematic excess. The stunt work is so over-the-top that you'll find yourself questioning if gravity even exists in this world, and that's what makes it so darn entertaining.
What sets "Action USA" apart is its refusal to take itself too seriously. In a genre often marked by brooding heroes and intense drama, this film gleefully embraces its own silliness and revels in the joy of absurdity. The characters, while not aiming for Oscar-worthy performances, perfectly fit the tone of the movie, providing just enough depth to keep us invested while allowing the action to take center stage.
One of the film's greatest strengths is its commitment to fun. The plot may be secondary to the jaw-dropping spectacle, but that's precisely the point. "Action USA" is a celebration of cinematic escapism, inviting the audience to buckle up and enjoy the ride without getting bogged down by unnecessary complexities.
In a world filled with gritty reboots and serious action dramas, "Action USA" is a breath of fresh air. It's a time machine to the golden age of action movies, where the primary goal was to entertain and leave the audience with their hearts pounding and smiles plastered across their faces. So, grab your popcorn, suspend your disbelief, and get ready for a wild, stunt-packed journey that's as hilarious as it is heart-pounding. "Action USA" is a triumph of unabashed fun that proves sometimes, bigger really is better!

New York Ninja - Powdered Egg Vengeance

Revenge is best served at the end of a katana sword that your wife bought for you at the mall. Time to make some floured eggs.
Suit up, ninja enthusiasts, because "New York Ninja" is a wild ride that takes us back to the glory days of 80s action cinema. This 2021 hidden gem, rescued from obscurity, brings us a delightful mix of a ridiculous plot, unintentionally funny fight scenes, an incredibly awesome music score, and an insane villain known as "The Plutonium Killer."
Let's start with the plot – it's so over-the-top and absurd that you can't help but be entertained. From a vigilante ninja patrolling the mean streets of New York City to thwarting a nefarious plot involving plutonium man, the movie embraces every ninja cliché with open arms. The narrative is a rollercoaster of unexpected twists and turns, making it a nostalgic joy for fans of the genre.
Now, let's talk about the unintentionally funny fight scenes. The choreography might not be as polished as modern martial arts films, but that's part of the charm. The exaggerated kicks, flips, and cheesy one-liners deliver a hefty dose of nostalgia, evoking memories of the martial arts classics we all secretly adore. It's as if the filmmakers decided to embrace the quirks of the 80s ninja genre, resulting in scenes that will leave you simultaneously cringing and laughing.
The real star of "New York Ninja" is undoubtedly its incredible music score from Voyag3r. It's a synth-heavy, pulse-pounding masterpiece that perfectly complements the on-screen action. The music not only captures the essence of 80s cinema but elevates the overall viewing experience. Every ninja kick and punch is accentuated by a catchy beat, making you want to jump off your couch and join the action.
And let's not forget about "The Plutonium Killer." Played with maniacal glee by the villain (and voiced by John Berryman), this character embodies everything we love about over-the-top antagonists from the 80s. From the flamboyant acting to the crazy makeup, The Plutonium Killer is a true highlight, leaving an indelible mark on the film's absurdity.
"New York Ninja" is a delightful throwback that embraces its roots and unapologetically revels in the absurdity of 80s ninja cinema. It's a perfect blend of nostalgia and unintentional humor, with a killer soundtrack to boot. If you're in the mood for a film that doesn't take itself too seriously and transports you back to the golden era of ninja flicks, "New York Ninja" is a must-watch. Grab your popcorn, buckle your ninja headband, and prepare for a hilarious trip down memory lane.