Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers

Deuces Wild - A new low in tough guys

If you love films where skinny guys with giant heads get into a "I'm tougher than you" contest with lots of undramatic slow-motion surrounded by even more unattractive women, than this movie is for you. Good luck with your life.
This film is a huge POS. We normally give films the benefit of the doubt here but this film truly is a giant pile of crap with nothing redeemable to it. No film has less going for it. Truly. Its unviewable. Even A Star is Born or Mortal Kombat: Annhilation or Grumpy Cat's Xmas have at least one or two things going for them. This doesn't even have one. Not one. Every aspect of this film is crap.
The actors (who some are respectable, not in this) all decided to get up and put on "punch me faces" for the making of this film, even notorious precocious scamp Frankie Muniz. Yes this film makes you want to punch a child, and Matt Dillon. And sorry Walking Dead fans, Norman Reedus stinks and so does Walking Dead.
Stay away from Deuces Wild. 

Prelude to Deuces Wild

Sam's pick this week gives us an in-depth look of late 50s Brooklyn street gang tough guys. They are tough right? Stephen Dorff and Brad Renfro...they're notorious tough guys, right? James Franco? He's tough....right?
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
The Golden Child - Starz
The Monkey King: Havoc in Heaven's Palace - Netflix
Dirty Grandpa - EPIX
Wild Card - Who would win in a Knife Fight?
Kevin Bacon vs Stephen Dorff

88 Minutes - Call Campus Security, Pacino is a pervert

Al Pacino stinks up the entire production of a film with such little story that 88 minutes is just ridiculous fluff. With tons of bad hair, sexual assault, disappearing actors, quite dubious motivations, non-linear time, drunk actors, and questionable filler material. It's pretty bonkers.
Lets start with Al Pacino. He stinks. I'm sorry world, Pacino stinks. He's great. We love him. He's hilarious. But he's not exactly Lawrence Olivier. And this film is a highlight of how bad he is. His hair is outlandish. His skin changes shades of orange and he's just as confused with the film as we are. Great fun, great fun. Except for Alicia Witt, she gets sexually assaulted maybe more than any actress ever by an A-Lister....
Then there's the surrounding players. The world won't be too surprised but Leelee Sobieski stinks. She's always stinky though. Seriously, name a good movie she's ever been in. She's a pariah on film. Fantastic crappy performance here. There's a dean who is quite drunk. Billy Forsythe is exactly what you expect from him. All makes for fun.
The plot is so bland but is barely noticeable because its surrounded by sequence after sequence of banana business. Take for instance, Campus Security. At one point, Al Pacino and Alicia Witt go to Campus Security...whose office rivals Quantico. I believe Dexter interned there. Fox Mulder has an office in the basement. At no time in the history of the world has Campus Security ever looked like this.
While its no Dreamcatcher or The Wicker Man, it is a great ride through terrible acting and bad directorial decisions. It's just a little weak on plot, whether good or bad plot, it doesn't have enough of either. Still....great watch.

Prelude to 88 Minutes

A fan request comes in this week for some Pacino so we attempt to tackle the 2007 trainwreck about a guy who only has 88 Minutes to solve a murder....his own. Oh my gosh what an amazingly original concept, he said sarcastically. But as fans of terrible acting, we think this has potential.
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
Serpent's Lair - Amazon Prime
The Howling VI - Amazon Prime
Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors - Rent from take your pick
The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor - the Pacino edition
Michael Coreleone - The Godfather series
Lt. Col. Frank Slade - Scent of a Woman
The Devil - The Devil's Advocate
any other role ever....

Blood Freak

This episode of the podcast centers around the classic Thanksgiving film from 1972, Blood Freak. Its that old tale of a man who smokes a little pot, eats an entire turkey and those goes on a tryptophan fueled and murderous rampage by becoming a freaking turkey. Yep. That's it.
Blood Freak is freaking insane and one of the worst movies ever made. The production values are incredibly poor with poor lighting, out of focus shots, terrible set design and horrible acting. It's right in line with films like Eegah!, Monster A Go-Go, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, or anything starring Tor Johnson. How this managed to get past the MST3K crew is a mystery deeper than where the hell is Amelia Earhardt.
As its sooooo bad, it's super super super fun. Its so riffable as it is terribly paced and stuffed with ridiculous scenarios and dialogue. At one point, the main turkey's fresh girlfriend and apparent fiance finds that her love is now a turkey head guy but decides to have sex with him anyways. Add in the entire films premise and you've got a must see on your hands.
The bizarreness never stops and gets going immediately with the director coming on screen and delivering a narrative moral explaination of "the events you are about to witness" and then takes a big drag on his cigarette mid-sentence. It should also be mentioned that he's reading his lines from a piece of paper and he can't even do that well. This happens about 5 more times throughout the film and each time is hilarious with the end lecture being a showcase of unintentional comedy. Wow.
The sheer lunacy of the film is the big draw but the combo of terrible acting and hilarity via both the mistakes made on camera and the riffs coming that even someone unfamiliar with riffing a film (say your dog or your grandma) make this an absolute must do of fans of the worst of the worst. Very underrated stinker.

Prelude to Blood Freak

In early preparation for Thanksgiving, Jackie gets a headstart with pulling the trigger on a turkey of a movie from 1972, 3 weeks early. But that's OK because it's a spooky tale about a motorcycle guy who smokes some pot and gets turned into a murderous turkey. Just like your family.
Special Segment - Films we've seen the most in a given period of time
Jackie - Care Bears Movie, The Beastmaster, Love Actually
Justin - Condorman, Batman, Fight Club
Sam - Rambo II, Encino Man, The A-Team, Children of Men
The Wild Card - Who Would Win in a Knife Fight
A Thanksgiving Turkey vs The Easter Bunny

Order of the Black Eagle

Duncan Jax and his faithful companion, Boon are back to take down a group of Nazis living in South America from accomplishing their dubious evil plans, mostly having a functioning laser and unfreezing their cryogenic leader, Ze Furor. Yes that one.
Let's get right out there and say that Order of the Black Eagle and Unmasking the Idol are two of the funnest films we've had the pleasure of discussing on this show. They REALLY need to be re-release as a dual pack on Blu-Ray. As much fun as we had with the first one we may have had more fun with the second. These are fantastic.
Ian Hunter is once again dialing up the charm and pizzazz to 50. He's not quite as eye-flaring as he was in the first one but he's just as goofy and wonderful. Boon has a reduced role but when he's there, whoa boy. He's epic.
The majority of this film is getting to business. While the last one has a lot more dialogue this one has a lot more action. Both are equally awesome and ridiculous but this one is more packed from start to finish, with emphasis on the finish. Duncan teams up with a team of mercenaries (each with unique skill set and personality) and then things really fly off the handle.
There's a ton of incredibly dangerous stunts again. Lots of bad landings and exploded stuntmen. I can't imagine there weren't a plethora of injuries after this one.
This film may have "more" in it than most films. It's really got everything (except nudity) but let me just toss a couple spoilers - Hitler cake, Baboon Tank, hovercrafts, missiles, cat-burglarizing, huge guns, deadly poker games, a man-chucking man, dirt-bike hot-dogging, 
So much fun and so much shenanigans that the Duncan Jax duology should not be missed. We all love these films.

Prelude to Order of the Black Eagle

This week on the podcast Sam follows up the first Duncan Jax movie with what may or may not be the sequel to Unmasking the Idol. This time Duncan's going to take down a bunch of Nazis who happen to have a little special guest on their hands.
Movies Discussed
Shin Gojira
A Tribute to Hastings, Your Entertainment Superstore
Jackie shares tales of working there, Sam tells us about a little known side-effect of shopping there, and Justin remembers finding Pieces, America 3000 and the biggest piece of crap ever, Vampire Vixens from Venus.
The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor
Duncan Jax
Star
Baron Goldtooth

Condorman - the fondue of Disney films

Disney bungles a live-action version of a cartoon with the least believable action star that has ever delved into the spy/superhero game. But add one of the raddest car chases, laser turret boats, rocket powered zip lines, and the worst costume you've ever seen and you've got one of the best early 80's turds to ever grace the screen. Wahoo!
The movie follows Woody who is the graphic artist behind the Condorman comic book frachise. Woody foolishly stumbles into a Soviet defection mission for the CIA and must employ the skills of his creation to help the beautiful and mysterious Natalia escape from the villainous Krakov and his right hand man, Morovitch and his team of skilled killers. You can use that if you'd like IMDB.
Michael Crawford's Woody is seriously one of the strangest casting decisions. Yes he's goofy and bumbling but at the same point is completely devoid of charm. Yet he's so unlikable that he becomes likable. It also seems like they gave him teeth extensions and raised the octave of his voice by a factor of 2. The rest of the cast does a fine job including a clearly drunk Oliver Reed.
The car sequence is the reason everyone shows up to this film though. While the Condormobile may be incalculably stupid looking, the things this car can do...whew. The sequence is so rad that we all truly believe that The Fast and the Furious used it as inspiration for Dom's team of skilled driver, bad guys. Come for the goofy, stay for the car chase.
In the end, there is no way that Condorman could have been successful. It is just too goofy. But its beautiful in its likability. It's a fairly safe bet and a great film to share with your children when its time. We love it.

Prelude to Condorman

Back in 1981, Disney tried to gift the world with a live-action version of a comic-book character, and failed miserably. But their mistake is our great reward as Condorman sweeps through the show. We are giddy with excitement.
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
Death Wish II - EPIX
Death Wish III - TUBITV
Troll - EPIX and Prime
The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate
Emo-Man - You gain powers based on your emotional state, ie angry you get hulky, peaceful you get zenlike, sad you can shoot water out your eyes, horny you get smelly genitals....