Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers

American Ninja 2: Attack of the Ninja Clones

Michael J. Dudikoff and Steve James are back from American Ninja and this time the volume of ninja gets ramped up to ludicrous levels. How do you get so many ninja? Well you just build an evil clone army of them so you can be a drug kingpin. What? Yep.
In another instance of Golan and Globus having very little understanding of the ninja, we also have very little understanding of their understanding. When you can clone ninja, what do you do with the ninja you've cloned? Well you become the kingpin of drugs. So why do you need ninja? Are they couriers? Are they drug dealers? Are they guards? Why not just have guys with guns? And why are your cloned ninja so inept? The plot is quite dumb.
Dudikoff is back and we're all too happy to see him. However, due to no fault of his own, he's not quite the same Pvt. Joe Armstrong from the first film. We really missed the unnecessary and out of place James Dean poses. He's a little less featured in this one, the stars are the ninja. However, we do give props for the incredibly tight pants that inspired the cinematographer to focus the viewers attention on a bulbous package. Ridiculous.
Steve James doesn't even bother waiting to get his shirt off and pretty much doesn't bother with clothes for the majority of this film. He fights a ton of ninja on his own and suddenly possesses very unusual weapons to dispatch them. Hilarious.
The stunts are incredibly dangerous and  many many men clearly get injured in horrific manners in the filming of this movie. There is a couple of extremely excellent action sequences (the beach fight, the ninja vs truck sequence, and the bar fight) that are top notch and make this film worth watching just for them. Forget all the other elements; these sequences are fantastic.
With that in mind though, we didn't feel that American Ninja 2: The Confrontation is quite the same film as American Ninja. Yes there is a few sequences that are exceptional but there are also some very stale jokes and the final showdown pales in comparison to the final showdown in the first film. There is also less Dudikoff being a jackass and Charlie #2 needs more screen-time. Its a classic stinker but saying that it is the centerpiece of the franchise is a mistake.

Prelude to American Ninja 2: The Confrontation

It's time to finish off our Ninja-threepeat with a follow up to our American Ninja episode in which Michael Dudikoff dons the role of Pvt. Joe Armstrong, teams up with Curtis Jackson and fights hordes and hordes of random ninja.
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
The Wave - Netflix
Knock Knock - Amazon Prime
Malibu Beach - Amazon Prime
Wild Card - Who'd win in a Knife Fight?
Hillary Clinton vs Donald Trump

Unmasking the Idol - Like a golden Buddha filled with pirate treasure

Worth Keeter's first Duncan Jax film is one of the film-world's must undiscovered gems. It's a glorious romp of all things awesome. If you like any fun film ever, then Unmasking the Idol is right up you're alley. It's banana's in the best manner.
Somehow Unmasking the Idol has gone under the radar since its debut 30 years ago. Only 88 user ratings exist on IMDB (including the rating we gave). Host of Stinker Madness, Justin, has it as his 10th favorite bad movie of all time. That is enough right there to have this movie have at least 100 user ratings on IMDB.
Unmasking the Idol is one of our "Stop what you are doing and go watch this film" movies. It's truly a gift and no fan of Stinker Madness should miss this film. As of this writing it is streaming on Amazon Prime so do yourself a favor and watch this now: 

Prelude to Unmasking the Idol

A little known film from 1986 that features untold amounts of ninjas, treasure, espionage, ninjas, 3-wheeler's, a baboon, a bad-ass Ford Ranger, and so many balloons comes to the show. This is one movie you won't want to miss.
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
The 5th Wave - Starz
London Has Fallen - Netflix
The Wild Card - Who Wins in a Knife Fight
Boon (Unmasking the Idol) vs. Clyde (Every Which Way But Loose)

Ninja III: The Domination - The Worst Cannon movie?

A deceased magical ninja with questionable motives possesses a telephone line working/aerobics instructor and gets her to revengify a bunch of cops who blew the ninja away (justifiably). Meanwhile, lasers, gymnastics, so much magic, and awful effects abound. Plus back hair and V8!
Ninja III may be the worst movie Cannon ever made. We're talking about Cannon here remember. This thing stinks so bad. The story is incredibly dumb/nonexistant, the action is completely ridiculous, the acting is awful, the shots are poorly staged, the effects are horrendous, dialogue is unbelievable and the complete lack of understanding life/people/reality is abundant. With that in mind, it adds up for so much fun. Wow, what a great bad movie.
It's a film like this that makes us feel lacking as reviewers of film, because this thing is just indescribable. Roger Ebert may not have been able to really figure out what Ninja III is. But watch it, I mean look at our star rating for it!
We can't stress how awesome Ninja III is. This is the pinnacle of stupid ninja business ala Robert Hamburger (realutimatepower.net). So many deaths by ninja, so much ninja magic, and tons of closeups of people wearing eye-liner. Wahoo!

Prelude to Ninja III: The Domination

This episode of the famed SM show, we put on our best disguises, pull out our tree-climbing ropes, and get ready to assassinate one of Cannon's most ridiculous films brought to the big screen. Like a ninja this film is disguised as a ninja film but it's 100% banana business. Plus the whole thing is free on YouTube! Thanks Paramount Vault!
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
Jaws - Netflix
Jaws II - Netflix
Jaws 3 - Netflix
Jaws: The Revenge - Netflix
The Wild Card - Pop Quiz, Hotshot - Ninja Edition
Q: The word/kanji for Ninja didn't appear until the 20th century. What were they called before then?
Q: First record of Ninja?
Q: The ninja star, or Shuriken is probably the most notorious weapon used by ninjas. What was it's primary function? 
Q: Describe the garb of the ninja?
Q: What is a kusarigama?
Q: What's a kunoichi?

Glitter - It can't overpower the lameness

In 2001, Mariah Carey decided to wreck thousands of lives and destroy Sam's affection for her visual appearance, primarily her face. While "glitter can't overpower the artist" Glitter can't even overpower it's own idiocy, racism, and sexism.
What? Glitter is a period-piece? This takes place in 1983? WTF? Why on Earth does it take place in 1983? The clothes, the cars, the music, the set pieces, the vernacular, NOTHING was done that says "Hey, it's 1983" except a bottom 1/3 graphic. It's screams that it's actually 2001. And 1983 serves absolutely no purpose to the story. None. If there was a bad movie award for poor and unnecessary choices and the subsequent execution of said choice, this would have been that categories Gone With the Wind.
So Mariah....is a pariah....to acting. Now that that terrible joke is over, she stinks. She truly looks lost and confused throughout the entire production. She appears to be on Quaaludes and just tripping balls at the production lights on the set. She's out of it completely. Unfortunately, her terrible performance is not a fun thing to view. It's not laughable or enjoyable. It's almost none-existent as this film hardly features any lines for her to screw up. So no fun there which this reviewer looked forward to the most. Bummer.
Then there's the visual aspect to Carey. We're not going to talk about any physical characteristics that she was born with, so I feel we're clear here. We're talking about whomever was in charge of hair, makeup, attire, and shooting around her stupid eyebrows. It's awful. Mariah Carey very well could be an absolutely beautiful woman but we can tell you that she's positively down-right fugly in Glitter. 
The songs stink, the performances are nowhere to be found, the acting sucks, Terrance Howard has a "punch me" face, everyone is douche, the story is absent, and fails to come around and make the statement that it EXPLICITLY states at one point. Despite all of that, the fact that this film is #31 on the IMDB Bottom 100, but it is NOT that terrible. Possibly bottom 100 but #31 is way too high. It's just not very good. But it isn't very easy to hate unless you have some problem with the lead outside of the film. Hate is required for a film to be this high and there's just not enough going on to hate it. It's just not good. But with that, it's still not worth watching.

Prelude to Glitter

It's time for Jackie to choose another Razzie winning and highly nominated "musical". In 2001, men in ties decided to crap in our ears and eyes as the allow Mariah Carey to create her own movie about her career (sorta). Get ready for gluch....
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
The Curse of Sleeping Beauty - Netflix
Justin's Top 5 80's Action Guys!
5. Kurt Russell - Escape from LA, The Thing, Big Trouble, Tango & Cash4. Chuck Norris - Delta Force, Firewalker, Invasion USA, Lone Wolf McQuade3. Jackie Chan - Project A, Meals on Wheels, Police Story, Armour of God2. Sly Stallone - All Rambos, Rocky IV, Cobra, Tango & Cash1. Arnold Schwarzenegger - Conan, Commando, Predator, Running Man
Here's who is NOT on the list:
Bruce Willis - Blow Hard IV - I'm a douchebag
Mel Gibson - Being in a film franchise where you make quirky faces and deliver lines at the speed Robin Williams tells jokes doesn't qualify as action guy.
Carl Weathers - Action Jackson's lack of action is an instant out - nice backflip over a car though.
Sigourney Weaver - Aliens is a shitty sequel and that's all she did.
Honorable mentions
Sonny Landham
Cynthia Rothrock
Bill Duke
Sho Kosugi
Wild Card - Who would win in a knife fight?
The Last Unicorn vs. Falcor the luck dragon

Firewalker - So not funny, it's funny

Chuck Norris, Louis Gosset Jr, and Melody Anderson go on a wild ride through various adventures on the way to get treasure. Along the way the face alligators, sinking cars, rebels, gang-rape village, the Mexican Gestapo, their own visual appearance, and elaborate aboriginal death traps. Sounds ridiculous? It is indeed.
Firewalker is Golan and Globus' take on the very popular and quite good, Romancing the Stone. In fact, it's a veritable carbon copy of the film but with your typical Cannon Films ineptitude. It's writing is completely out of control stupid, the entire plot is irrelevant to itself, characters have strange motivations and are generally unneeded, the acting stinks, the cast possesses zero charm or chemistry, and the action sequences are written by children.
With all that in mind, Firewalker is a lot of fun in the usual Cannon flair. It's incredibly dumb, the comedy is so hammy, the action is head-slappingly stupid, the acting is awful, the story is poorly envisioned, and it never lets up from it. We all liked it and feel it's a good recommend for any fan of Cannon.

Prelude to Firewalker

Charles Norris returns again for his 3rd appearance on the show in a teamup with awful acting staple, Louis Gossett, Jr. in Firewalker. A film that appears to be a complete knockoff of Indiana Jones or Romancing the Stone or take your pick. Can Chuck Norris bring the comedy that he's so well known for? Or will this be as laughable as toothpaste?