Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers

Jurassic World - Bad Movie Field Trip with Gramps & Tucker

Gramps and Tucker from the If We Made It podcast join us for a Bad Movie Field trip with the most successful film of 2015, Jurassic World. It's been labeled by the geniuses of the Internet as a cinematic milkshake of bad movie tropes and not carrying the spirit of 1993's Jurassic Park. We ask, "What do you want from a monster movie?"
Jurassic World at its core is just plain silly. The employees are all buffoons, the CEO may be the worst one of all time, and Chris Pratt's jungle man routine is about as preposterous as Donald Trump being President. It's all just silly. Critics and haters alike complain about the film not taking itself seriously enough and Bryce Dallas Howard traipsing through jungles and stepping in dino doo doo in high heels, with a bevy of buzzwords like one-dimensional, cliche, and lackluster. Perhaps you should just stick with Kurosawa films, it's a friggin movie about dinosaurs eating people! You can claim that your precious Jurassic Park is a film about taking science too far without considering the consequences but ask any child (which is the franchise's target market, not you Beardy) and they will tell you its about dinosaurs eating people.
So we say, screw you purists. This isn't the newest biopic or historical depiction of how crappy things were 150 years ago or obligatory white man's guilt film. This is a film about dinosaurs fucking some shit up. Sit back in your seats, eat your popcorn and smile. You're there to have a good time.
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Halloween III - More questions that you can shake Stonehenge at!

Tom Atkins stars as a mustache-ride-given hacker doctor detective with the help of a young woman who may or may not be an android to take down a Irish/Californian novelty gift manufacturer who wants to use the powers of Stonehenge to transform millions of children into bugs and snakes. Don't come for Michael Meyers, stay for the endless sea of questions.
The movie is completely silly. The plot of ridiculous and with each moment the viewer is just presented more and more questions. It's like the entire run of Lost or the heads of the Hydra. When you answer one question, five more questions sprout up. Each character's motivations are pretty confusing not to mention who the hell they are. Why is Tom Atkins the detective? Why is he alcoholic? Is the girl a robot the entire time? If so, why does she lead Tom Atkins directly to the Silver Shamrock Corp? Does Silver Shamrock murder children or do they just become bugs and snakes? If its murder, then is it murder by teleporting bugs and snakes into their brains? Just writing these questions make me think of more. We could spend 900 pages in just questions.
We love this film and highly recommend it. Especially if you hated it when you were a child. Come back. It's fantastic.
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Prelude to Halloweeen III: Season of the Witch

Brought to you by Silver Shamrock, inventors of such gags as Sticky Toilet Paper and Super Tiny Undies. Get the gags going this Halloween with Silver Shamrock.
It's that time again, kids. Time to enjoy the sweet smells of fall, the colors of the leaves as they fall to the ground, Mom's pumpkin pie and being transformed into bugs and snakes through the powers of Stonehenge. Halloween III: Season of the Witch (yes the one that doesn't have Michael Myers) stops in on Stinker Madness to kick off our three episode series on our favorite spooky films. Be sure to wear your masks!
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
A Boy and His Dog - YouTube
The Substitute - Netflix
The Paramount Vault w/ 3 American Ninjas, King Solomon's Mines & Ninja III: The Domination!!!! - YouTube
Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor
Elvis Presley - Elvis
Jack Burton - Big Trouble in Little China
McGrady - The Thing

The Fantastic Four - Buried Treasure

Before the flop of 2015, before the two turds in the early 2000s, there was 1994's The Fantastic Four. It's a film that was never meant to be viewed by the eyes of man but we are super happy that we can. We are joined by special guest, bad movie blogger and friend of the show, Brad Slager (@MartiniShark) who knows and loves this movie. Check out Brad's write up on FF at http://www.lifezette.com/popzette/the-first-fantastic-dud/.
The film is refreshing because it is a fan boy's dream. Nothing is changed about the origin of the FF, the powers, their characterization, stories, etc. It looks cheesy, its campy and its silly. At no point is there any modernization of things to make them look good on screen. It is just a movie made for fun and not for people to talk about how interesting the origin retelling was (see modern comic adaptations). That makes it great.
We really loved this movie. Without a doubt, its the best of the 4 Fantastic Four films. It is one hell of a good time with so many plot holes that kept us talking about who and what was happening. Add in a great performance from Alex Hyde-White as the most likable Reed Richards ever on film and you've got a must see movie. It can be argued that it's the 2nd best comic book adaptation of the 90's. We highly recommend it.
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Prelude to The Fantastic Four

Presented by Fantastic Bore, the movie that breaks all the rules such as having an actual story.
It's out of control Fantastic business this week as we prepare for 1994's The Fantastic Four from Roger Corman. Is it possible that it's the best or worst of the Fantastic Four movies?
Well we'll now how it compares to 2015's Fantastic Four. This week instead of Streaming Do's and Don'ts we do a mini "Bad Movie Field Trip" review of one of the worst reviewed superhero movies of all time. Is it that bad? Is it even possible to make the FF look good in film?

Driven - Drove us to diarrheatown

Stallone writes a screenplay that is about three things he has no working knowledge of; 1) Racing, 2) Relationships, 3) Story. It is quite possibly the worst screenplay ever written. Manos: The Hands of Fate has a lot more story than 2001's Driven. If anyone can tell us what the story is, please let us know.
Why this movie was made is vexing. What the inspiration was for Stallone to write this film is a mystery for the ages. He clearly has little to no interest in auto racing because he never shows any knowledge of how it works or even simple common sense regarding it. He appears to know that cars can go fast and that people sometimes try to see how fast they can go around a track but that's about it. Burt Reynold's character owns a race team but continually tries to sabotage his driver because he's just not good enough despite the fact that he's Number 1 in the world. Kip Pardue's character can't handle posing for photos and giving press conferences despite the fact that he's a rolling advertisement for his sponsors. The only thing that Stallone's character appears to do in the film is make people happy. Wow.
This one is just too crappy and annoying for us. There is probably a market of bad movie fans that could enjoy this one but the complete lack of anything happening in this film keeps us from giving is a watchable review. It sucks. 
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Prelude to Driven

Brought to you by "Top Pits" starring Tom Cruises and Valerie Kilmer.
In 2002, Stallone gave us an 8 time Razzie nominated movie that he took the time to write. Remember! This is the guy that wrote the screenplay to Rocky for which he won an Oscar....the same guy. Yeah....right. It's sort of a movie about race car driving, it's sort of about race car drivers and then its sort of about absolutely nothing.
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
Exodus:Gods and Kings (first 12 minutes) - HBO
Rapid Fire - HBO
The Kid with the Golden Arm - Netflix
Cyber C.H.I.C. - YouTube (but some butthole removed it....lame)
Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor
Pete's Dragon - Pete's Dragon
Artax - The Neverending Story
Charlotte - Charlotte's Web

Midnight Ride - Paging Doctor Bananas

Mark Hamill kidnaps a lady so that he can have his doctor zap her brains but first he must give slip to the husband, one Michael Dudikoff. It's a thriller/action/slasher movie where Hamill shows he's nuts, Dudikoff gives us his "whoa-face", we learn who Tommy Wiseau's mother is and Robert Mitchum is on set for about 2 hours!
This movie is pretty ridiculous. It never stops moving with absurdity. From Dudikoff getting strapped to the hood of a car in an elaborate death method to the explosion of a family in a station wagon to endless fog to the bad "Xtreme Sports" music choice. It's bat shit. 
The film has absolutely no clue what the heck it is. It's a slasher with no blood. It's an car chase movie with little car chasing. It's a thriller with non-diagetic music that fits a 90's Nerf commercial. What it is though is hot. It's fast-paced, laugh a second, splosions all over the place and never-ending ludicrousness. It's awesome.
We all really liked Midnight Ride. It's a great time and should not be missed by fans of Hamill, Dudikoff, Oldsmobiles, and banana business. Great time.
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Prelude to Midnight Ride

We start this episode with a letter from Justin to Mark Hamill in the hopes he will become his best friend and replace Sam and Jackie on the podcast. We have yet to hear back.
It's a film with Mark Hamill and Michael Dudikoff which are no surprise show ups on Stinker Madness. But Academy Award winner Robert Mitchum is in this too?! How did Robert Mitchum make it on Stinker Madness???
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
Templar Nation - Amazon Prime
Monster Squad - Netflix
Plus 2 bonus movies (Not Streaming) - Available at Walmart for $4
Captain America (1978)
Captain America 2: Death Too Soon (1978)
Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor
Matt Hunter - Invasion USA and Avenging Force
Pvt. Joe Armstrong - American Ninja series
Jersey Bellini - Bounty Hunters series

Killer Workout - High gym fees are killer!

We dig into David A. Prior's bouncy lady bits slasher film from 1987, starring Marcia Karr, Fritz Matthews, and superior badass Ted Prior (who all were in the epic Deadly Prey). It's the tale of murder at the aerobics gym that also has a weight room for the tough guys. It's cheesy, with incredible 80's music, Ted and Fritz punching each other just cause, and so much bouncing and splits. 
Some of you may know this film as it's other title of Aerobicide but it's labeled as Killer Workout in IMDB so that's what we are going with here. Hope Amazon knows what the hell they are doing. Either way both titles are great.
While this movie is no Deadly Prey, it is still a really good time. Especially if you like bouncing lady parts. I can not understate how much bouncy lady parts there are in this film. It's great because the gym never stops having ladies in leotards doing jumping jacks even though there's murders happening at the same time and cops are pulling bodies out. Still gotta make that aerobics class. Probably due to high gym fees.
Killer Workout moves. If there's anything about David A. Prior films it's that you are never bored. There's very little exposition and is just about the fun stuff. Some highlights:
A tanning bed that you can bury Spock in
Employees showing up late to work just in time to close
Sweet murder makeup
Stabbing someone in the leg with a rake
A cop that can't stop hassling everyone
A lady with peanut butter all over here boobs
Not knowing how phones work (Stinker Staple #8)
Going out through the closed window (Stinker Staple #2)
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality: