Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers

Stone Cold -Your mullet won't help here, Boz

Brian Bosworth stars this week as Joe Huff/John Stone/All Awesome in Stone Cold with William Forsythe and Lance Henriksen. Its the tale of one tough cop that goes undercover to accomplish absolutely nothing in preventing a biker gang destroying the entire government of Mississippi. Mullets, earrings, giant lizards, exploding choppers, and a ridiculously high body count makes up for one fun ride.
The very funny Ryan Fortier from the "Writing Through Vet School" blog joins us this week to help us make sense of this movie. Ryan is the author of "Paranoia" (available for $2.99) and one of the funniest bad movie reviewers. You can follow Ryan at https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/ and read his bad movie reviews at https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/category/bad-movies-2/.
The film is quite action packed and rarely has any slow moments. When things do quiet down in the middle, there's just so head-scratching to try and figure out what the heck this thing is all about that it fills in nicely. The end is absolutely amazing, the beginning is at 11, the Boz fills out the middle quite entertainingly. We loved this movie (except for Jackie) and highly recommend it.
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Prelude to Stone Cold

Take one Brian "The Boz" Bosworth, put him in the role of one tough cop and let him do his own hair and costumes and you've got 1991's Stone Cold directed by stinker staple Craig R. Baxley. It's one of Justin's favorite bad movies so get jacked!
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
Kung Fury - Youtube
Nomads - Netflix
Night Watch - Netflix
Platoon Leader - Netflix
Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor
Ace Ventura
Rocky
James Bond

Zombeavers - Get these people off my TV!

Take beavers, add radioactive waste, a cabin in the woods scenario and you've got the idea behind Zombeavers. Add annoying characters, a series of missed opportunities, confusion on what the film is trying to do, doing the dog in the wrong way, and far too many unintentional cliches to be bothered with. If you enjoyed films like Cabin Fever, Cabin in the Woods, or Dale and Tucker Versus Evil then this film is a platform for disappointment. This is much more like Wolf Cop. Bummer.
In the end, there are some very good (but brief) moments in the film that are fun and new but they are SO few and far between with a majority of the movie being covered in filler. The rest of it just leaves you with anger as you wish that anyone else had written the movie because it's a complete waste of a great idea. It's also a complete waste of your time. Just go back and watch Cabin Fever, Cabin in the Woods, or Dale and Tucker Versus Evil again.
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Prelude to Zombeavers

Presented by Tap, Tap and View, the latest mobile app that allows you to obsessively play tappy freemium games on your mobile device without missing a moment of whatever crappy movie your friends and family are watching.
This week the Internet sensation, Zombeavers, hits Netflix and we are hopeful for its furry goodness. Will it be as fun and satirical as 2002's Cabin Fever, or will it deliver a great title but also a series of missed opportunities and cliches like 2014's Wolf Cop? With irradiated undead woodland critters what could possibly go wrong?
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
Black Angel - Youtube
Brick Mansions - Netflix
Blown Away - Netflix 
Invasion - Netflix 
After Midnight - Netflix
Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor
Willy Wonka
The Last Unicorn
The Care Bears

Slipstream - Buried in this mess is a good movie

Bob Peck goes for a ride in a plane with Bill Paxton and along the way the pair go on a personal journey and discover who they really are. Oh and Mark Hamill chases them in his airplane as well. Its one hell of a hot mess, with confusing plot lines, unstated character roles, and mentions to major plot hubs that never get flushed out. But its still a pretty fun ride.
Somewhere in Slipstream is a good movie. There some really cool science fiction ideas, gorgeous aerial footage, questions raised about what life truly is and solid concepts about life in a post-apocalyptic world. This really could have been a movie that people respected and possibly not cost Gary Kurtz his movie career. We don't think that it ever would have been a really successful film but a good ol' muligan may have turned this into a pretty popular film.
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Prelude to Slipstream

Brought to you by Slipstream the Game. The most exciting new board game you could possibly imagine, as long as you've never heard of or ever played a board game!
It's got Bill Paxton, Mark Hamill, Bob Peck, Ben Kingsley, Robbie Coltrane, F. Murray Abraham and was produced by Gary Kurtz from Star Wars fame and directed by Steven Lisberger who wrote and directed Tron?!?! How is this such an unknown and poorly received film??? We'll attempt to discover the answers when we view it.
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
Odd Thomas - Netflix
Jackie Chan is The Prisoner or Island of Fire - Shoutfactory.TV
Fearless Hyena - YouTube
The Last Shark - YouTube
Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor
Hannibal Lector
Luke Skywalker
Samwise Gamgee

Captain America - Steve Rogers is a real buffoon

Matt Salinger dons the role of weak but honorable Steve Rogers and becomes Captain America as part of the Super Soldier Program so that he can be strong enough to stop the Nazi equivalent, the Red Skull. Sound familiar? Well that's about all this film has in common with anything that you know about Cap. The rest is pretty much the dumbest hot mess that you could possibly imagine.
Albert Pyun's Captain America is maybe the worst adaptation of a single character that has ever been made. Matt Salinger is awkward moving at all times and shows absolutely no athletic ability. Captain America is a bit of a dick as he really shows little concern for other people. He's about as smart as a box of hair. He really never succeeds in any mission nor is he ever known by the world as a WWII superhero, even though when he is unthawed the world seems to care, despite having never heard of him before.
The visuals (costumes, effects and action) are horrendous and make up the best part of the film. By best I mean that they are hilarious. Cap's outfit looks like its made of vinyl and seems to get ripped up randomly from what we can only infer is that Matt Salinger leaned up against walls too much. The shield looks like an after dinner peppermint. Red Skull only has Red Skull face for the first 5 minutes on screen. The Red Skull rat is epic bad stop-motion. The list of bad visuals goes on and on.
Really the whole problem with the film is that Captain America is a true idiot and buffoon. His first mission as Cap is a failure as he gets his ass kicked by the Red Skull and then strapped to a rocket. After reanimation, he walks back to the states from Alaska instead of just asking someone "Where am I and how do I get back?" He does nothing to prevent his old flame and her family from getting murdered. And his main plan for taking on the Red Skull is to find the Red Skull's real name....huh? You just need to go back to the castle that your last memory is from, you moron!
You can really tell that this film had about 10 million rewrites from the original script and the film just got away from the makers. It is a truly hot mess. Usually that works for us in bad movies but really this just stinks. There's far too little happening on screen at anytime and the story is just too convoluted to really be able to enjoy what is happening. You're too busy scratching your head trying to figure out what is going on to really be able to even make fun of it.
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Prelude to Captain America

Brought to you by Captain Canada. Can Captain Canada, with the help of Jacques Pierre, defeat the villainous Josef Stalin and his evil right hand man, the Red Scare? Tune in to WABC on Stinker Madness to find out!
It's time for some sweet pre-Avenger action, when Matt Salinger becomes Steve Rogers or is that Peyton Manning? Its 1990's Captain America directed by Albert Pyun and produced by Menahem Golan. Its gotta be a total slam dunk right?
Streaming Dos and Don'ts
The Core - Netflix
Scorcher - Netflix
Jack's Back - Netflix
Abraxas Guardian of the Universe - WAS on YouTube but is now gone. Sorry.
Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor
Teen Witch
Condorman
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Raymond Chow)

Universal Soldier - Zombie buns are too hot

Dolph and Jean Claude square off with the assistance of Roland Emmerich in the blockbuster film, Universal Soldier. The idea is that there is a military program that takes dead soldiers and reanimates them, while erasing their memories so that they can become undead badass guys. Are they zombies? Or just slightly retarded guys with guns?
The film is a very early Roland Emmerich work and really lays the foundation for his career. All of the staples that you see in a Roland Emmerich film are setup here. Plot details that just get glossed over (JCVD's accent for example), punchlines that involve people looking quizzically at each other after something ridiculous happens, action shots that seem crazy but you just really can't tell what's happening...Of course, JCVD also delivers some of the staples of his films as well including excessive shots of his butt and a lack of explaining his ethnicity. Dolph is just Dolph.
Unfortunately, this film is a tad boring. There's far too many scenes of the Universal Soldiers pondering what life is now that they are dead or reliving the last moments of the life before they died and then pondering. We get it. JCVD doesn't know how his weiner works and Dolph has an obsession with chopping ears off but there is far too little action. However, the action sequences that do happen are quite exciting and fun but are too few and far between.
If you've seen this before, don't spend your time doing it again. If you haven't seen it, it's worth a view but don't expect something incredible. It's just ok.
Individual Ratings:
Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:
Overall Ratings:
Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Prelude to Universal Soldier

Brought to you by Universally Older - the one stop pharmaceutical line of products for the aging badass. JCVD approved!
This week Jackie pulls the metaphorical trigger on Roland Emmerich and Jean Claude Van Damme's first appearance on Stinker Madness. Plus Dolph Lundgren shows up for the fourth time in Universal Soldier. Can this be a good movie? Probably not....
Also this week we release a new segment that we hope you enjoy. It's called Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor and is a stalwart drinking game in our social network (the real life kind, sorry Tweeters). The rules are simple; pick someone famous and decide if they would make a good neighbor or a bad neighbor. It doesn't matter how much you like the person, even people you like may make bad neighbors (talking to you William Shatner) and people you dislike may make great neighbors (talking to you Kobe Bryant). Be sure to reach out to us with your thoughts on each weeks pick by hashtagging #GNBN.
Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Entries:
Dominic Torreto (Fast & Furious Franchise)
Maj. Scott McCoy (Chuck Norris) - Delta Force
John Wick
Streaming Do's and Don'ts
Blood Surf - Netflix
Hercules vs Moloch (Conquest of Mycenae) - Netflix
DNA - Netflix
Curse 2, The Bite - Youtube
Cruel Jaws (Jaws 5) - Youtube