Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers

Deep Rising - didn’t create any deep pockets

Insurance fraud goes awry when The Kraken pulls down the might Argonautica and Treat Williams flies through the Death Star explosion.
This movie is an absolute gem that will have you on the edge of your seat... with laughter! Picture this: a luxury cruise ship on a routine trip, a group of quirky mercenaries, a humongous tentacled monster, and chaos that ensues. If that doesn't pique your interest, I don't know what will!
The plot of "Deep Rising" is as simple as it gets: a group of badass mercenaries hijacks a luxurious cruise ship with plans to loot it, only to find themselves fighting for their lives against a massive, otherworldly creature lurking in the deep, dark depths of the ocean. Yes, you read that right—monster madness, folks!
Now, let's talk about this majestic beast of the deep. The creature in "Deep Rising" is like nothing you've ever seen before. It's big, it's slimy, and it has more tentacles than an octopus on steroids. And trust me, it knows how to make an entrance! The moments when it pops out of nowhere, grabbing unsuspecting victims and dragging them away, are both terrifying and ridiculously hilarious. Think of it as a mix between "Jaws" and an aquatic Cirque du Soleil show!
But what truly sets "Deep Rising" apart is its ability to balance the scares with witty one-liners and over-the-top action. The script is peppered with hilarious quips, perfectly timed to keep you entertained throughout the movie. The characters are delightfully eccentric, each with their own unique personality, and the banter between them is pure gold. You'll find yourself rooting for these unconventional heroes while wiping away tears of laughter.
In the end, "Deep Rising" is a goofy, fun-filled adventure that knows how to entertain. It embraces its B-movie roots with open tentacles and delivers a truly unique experience. So, grab your popcorn, buckle up, and prepare for a monster movie that will have you laughing out loud and sliming up your couch with a big, silly grin on your face. Dive into the madness of "Deep Rising" and jump your jet ski over a shark or two!

Strike Commando - Cut it out!

Bruno Mattei and Reb Brown team up to give us an unintentionally hilarious and 80's staples full action movie. Danton better watch out.
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of explosive action and over-the-top hilarity with the 1987 cult classic, "Strike Commando." Starring Reb Brown, this cheesy and hilarious gem is an absolute blast from start to finish, delivering an unforgettable experience that will leave you grinning from ear to ear.
"Strike Commando" is a throwback to the glorious era of '80s action cinema, where macho heroes and outrageous one-liners ruled the screen. Reb Brown's charismatic presence and larger-than-life portrayal of Sgt. Michael Ransom is nothing short of pure entertainment. With his chiseled physique and unyielding determination, Brown effortlessly embodies the quintessential action hero archetype, making every moment he's on screen a delight to watch.
What sets "Strike Commando" apart from other action films of its time is its shameless embrace of its own cheesiness. The dialogue is delightfully cheesy, packed with memorable one-liners that will have you laughing out loud. The action sequences are over-the-top and exaggerated in the best way possible, with explosions galore, outrageous stunts, and a high body count that keeps the adrenaline pumping.
Director Bruno Mattei and the creative team behind "Strike Commando" fully understand the film's campy nature and lean into it with gusto. The result is a delightful combination of unintentional humor and intentional self-awareness, creating a unique viewing experience that is both absurd and undeniably fun.
The film's pacing is relentless, never allowing a dull moment to creep in. From the opening scene to the epic finale, "Strike Commando" keeps you engaged and entertained throughout. It doesn't take itself too seriously, allowing you to fully immerse yourself in the sheer joy of its outrageousness.
To top it all off, the '80s keyboard soundtrack perfectly complements the on-screen action, heightening the excitement and injecting a nostalgic charm that fans of the era will adore.
"Strike Commando" is an absolute riot that delivers on its promise of cheesy and hilarious entertainment. Reb Brown's larger-than-life performance, the film's self-awareness, and its relentless action make it a must-watch for fans of '80s action cinema. If you're looking for a film that offers a healthy dose of laughter and adrenaline, then "Strike Commando" is the perfect choice. Strap in, lock and load, and enjoy the wild ride that is "Strike Commando"!

Secret Agent Club - NatSec doesn’t look good, President Clinton.

Terry Hogan finds himself in need of rescue from VR torture by a group of precocious scamps who discover they love the smell of burning man flesh.
First things first, let's talk about Hulk Hogan's acting prowess. Or lack thereof. His line delivery is about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face, and his attempts at emotional depth are about as convincing as a toupee made of spaghetti. But hey, we're not here for Oscar-worthy performances, right?
The plot is a convoluted mess that feels like it was written on a napkin during a coffee break. Hogan plays a secret agent who is inexplicably also a suburban dad. I guess he wanted to show off his multitasking skills? The story jumps from one ridiculous scenario to another, with more holes than Swiss cheese. It's a wild ride, but not intentionally in the way we enjoyed it.
The supporting cast is a mixed bag. There are a few familiar faces, but their talents are wasted in this nonsensical adventure. The villains are as cartoonish as they come, with evil plans that would make Dr. Evil facepalm. And let's not forget the obligatory kid sidekick, whose sole purpose seems to be providing the occasional cringe-worthy one-liner.
Now, let's talk about the special effects. It's surprisingly full of quality stunts and explosions. For the time, even the laser gun effects are fine. 
Despite all its flaws, "Secret Agent Club" does have a certain charm to it. It's the kind of movie you watch with a group of friends, armed with plenty of popcorn and a hearty dose of irony. It's so bad that it's almost good, but not quite. It's a cheesy mess that doesn't quite reach the so-bad-it's-good status.
"Secret Agent Club" is an absurd, poorly acted, and visually underwhelming film. But if you're in the mood for some mindless entertainment and enjoy watching Hulk Hogan ham it up on screen, then go ahead and give it a shot. Just make sure to bring your sense of humor and a tolerance for over-the-top cheese.

The Phantom Empire - A 9 year old’s fever dream

A team of treasure hunters find themselves facing off against cannabalistic mole-men, dinosaurs and a busty alien queen who just wants to find nice man and murder everyone else.
Directed by the one and only Fred Olen Rey and featuring the fabulous Sybil Danning, this movie is an absolute blast of a mess from start to finish. Phantom Empire is like a mashup of every wacky idea that a group of friends could come up with during a late-night brainstorming session. It's got everything you could ever imagine: treasure, spaceships, robots, dinosaurs and even an underground civilization! Talk about a buffet of awesomeness.
One of the highlights of the movie is the fabulous costumes. From Sybil's familiar low cut space queen outfit to the skimpy cave girl bikinis that Michelle Bauer forgets the top for 10 minutes and then Ross Hagen's crappy Indy look, it's all pretty funny to see.
So grab your popcorn, put on your most outrageous Indiana Jones hat, and buckle up for a hilarious and outlandish adventure. Phantom Empire is a hidden treasure that deserves to be watched for its sheer audacity and charm. Prepare yourself for a delightful ride through time and space... with a side of knockers and dinosaurs! Yeehaw!

Tammy and the T-Rex - Dino’s don’t fly, Brian

Denise Richards rides on the back of a mechanical dino housing Paul Walker's brain. Well that sound preposterous! Well it is and its great.
Tammy and the T-Rex steps in as a refreshing breath of absurdity and pure entertainment. This 1994 masterpiece (yes, masterpiece!) takes a giant leap away from the conventional somber depths of remakes of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, instead bringing us a low-budget, high-energy romp that defies all logic and embraces its own delightful brand of ridiculousness.
While Mary Shelley's Frankenstein may be lauded for its literary merits and complex themes, Tammy and the T-Rex boldly goes in the opposite direction, serving up a heaping portion of hilarity that will have you chuckling from start to finish. Denise Richards leads the charge, effortlessly transitioning from the realms of serious acting to embody the vivacious and determined Tammy. It's as if she's giving a sly wink to Frankenstein's brooding creature, saying, "Hey, let's have some fun!" Richards infuses the film with her infectious charm, reminding us that not every movie needs to take itself so seriously.
And let's not forget Paul Walker's comedic brilliance as Michael. While Frankenstein may be brooding in a castle, Michael is romping around as a T-Rex, and Walker embraces the absurdity with gusto. His comedic timing is impeccable, and his physicality is on point. From the slapstick moments to the witty one-liners, Walker effortlessly injects the film with a contagious energy that keeps us laughing throughout. Testicular standoff!
Tammy and the T-Rex may not be a financial success like the Naked Guns or Hot Shots from the same era, but that's precisely why it's so enjoyable. It's a wild and wacky ride that revels in its own absurdity, reminding us that sometimes, it's okay to let loose and have a good laugh. So, if you're in the mood for a low-budget gem that defies logic, Tammy and the T-Rex is a true contrarian budget masterpiece along the lines of "Hell Comes to Frogtown". Sit back, relax, and let the T-Rex take you on a delightfully outrageous adventure you won't soon forget!

The King’s Daughter - Hire a barber, not a mermaid!

It's a movie that made me wish I had the power of a mermaid so I could go heal the pain from watching it.
First of all, the plot is all over the place. It's like the writers couldn't decide if they wanted to make a historical drama or a cheesy fantasy movie, so they just threw everything together and hoped for the best. The result? A confusing mess that made me want to pull my hair out. Speaking of hair, let's talk about Pierce Brosnan's.
I don't know what's going on with his hair in this movie, but it looks like a wig made out of cotton candy. It's distracting and honestly, it's hard to take anything he says seriously when I'm busy wondering if he's going to start shedding pink sugar all over the set. Maybe that's why his character is always scowling - he knows his hair looks ridiculous.
The acting isn't any better. The cast is filled with talented actors, but they all seem like they're phoning it in. I'm pretty sure I saw William Hurt dozing off in one scene. Can you blame him, though? The script is so bad that it feels like they wrote it on the back of a napkin during a lunch break.
So, if you're looking for a movie to watch when you're feeling down and you want to feel even worse, "The King's Daughter" is the perfect choice. Just make sure you have some cotton candy on hand to distract yourself from Pierce Brosnan's hair.

Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity - Gotta hit the head....room

Oh boy, where do I even begin with "Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity"? This movie is a wild and bizarre ride from start to finish, and I mean that in the best way possible. From the cheesy special effects to the over-the-top acting, this sci-fi adventure flick is a non-stop riff ride that will keep you laughing and entertained the whole way through.
Now, I know what you might be thinking: "But Stinker Madness, isn't this movie just a cheap knockoff of 'The Most Dangerous Game'?" And to that, I say, yes, it definitely is. But it's a cheap knockoff with heart, damn it. The two lead actresses, Elizabeth Kaitan and Cindy Beal, fully commit to their roles as two stranded space adventurers who are forced to fight for their lives against a lusty hunty madman who likes to hang heads...up. Their chemistry is dripping with cheesy deliveries, and their performances are so corny that you can't help but root for them.
And let's not forget about the villain of the piece, Zed, played by Don Scribner. His creepy performance as "some dude who has a tractor-beam castle" definitely adds to the corn, and his scenes with the "slave girls" are dubious and oddly philosophical. I mean, who doesn't love a good villain monologue about what man and women's base natures are while wearing slave bikinis?
In fact, "Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity" was so bikini-laden that it even was referenced as part of an amendment of the Cable Television Consumer Protection and Competition Act of 1992, which was introduced by Senator Jesse Helms to crack down on sexually explicit content on cable TV. Why on Zed's Green Earth would a US Senator be talking about this very mild flesh film is beyond me. Well it was beyond infinity for Helms too as the amendment was struck down as ludicriously stupid and a violation of the First Amendment. Go back to....uh...well I guess we are still fighting these battles...
"Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity" is a hilarious, campy, and surprisingly fun sci-fi adventure that is sure to entertain even the most jaded moviegoer. So if you're in the mood for some old-school B-movie fun, give this one a watch.

Year 8 in Review

Once again, we delve into the top picks we've seen in our 8th year of reviewing "bad" movies. This year (because the first 1/4 of it was absent of movie watching for us) we are limited to only 5 picks each. Plus we discuss our favorite 3 movies of 2022. Enjoy and thanks for another year of listening.

American Ninja 5 - Little Ninja Men

Hold on to your black belts, folks, because "American Ninja 5" is the ultimate karate kick to the face of movie-making! It's so ridiculous, it's actually kind of hilarious.
David Bradley returns as Joe, the American Ninja, in this fifth installment of the series that should have ended after the second movie. This time around, Joe is on a mission to save his girlfriend and stop an evil ninja organization from taking over the world. Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong.
The plot of this movie is about as coherent as a drunk man trying to explain the meaning of life. Predictably, the villain has a terrible profit generation scheme of which he could have made ridiculous amounts of money if he wasn't a bad guy. It's a mishmash of clichés, bad one-liners, and over-the-top fight scenes that defy the laws of physics. And let's not forget about the comically inept henchmen who make the Keystone Cops look like Navy SEALs.
But what really sets "American Ninja 5" apart is the acting. David Bradley's wooden delivery is almost impressive in its complete lack of emotion. And Pat Morita, of "Karate Kid" fame, looks like he's just there for the paycheck.
The fight scenes are so ridiculous, they're almost worth watching just for the laughs. There's one scene where Joe fights off a group of ninjas and teaches his child sidekick how to kill people. Yes, you read that right. And another scene where he uses a piece of cardboard as a weapon. It's like watching a bizarre fever dream.
Overall, "American Ninja 5" is a movie that's so bad, it's almost good. It's a cheesy, nonsensical, and entirely unapologetic action-comedy that's sure to leave you shaking your head and wondering how on earth this movie ever got made. So if you're looking for a good laugh, grab some popcorn and settle in for a martial arts movie that's truly a masterpiece of absurdity.

Night Game - We’re talking baseball!

Growing Pain's Mike Seaver, marries his daughter, punches a cop and takes down a very dumb serial killer with dubious intent. Sounds fun...its not.
Night Game is a disappointing thriller that fails to live up to its potential. The film follows a detective named Mike Seaver who investigates a series of murders that occur during Houston Astros' home night games when a particular relief pitcher gets a win.
One of the biggest problems with Night Game is its pacing. The movie moves incredibly slowly, with long stretches of time spent on unimportant scenes that do little to advance the plot. This slow pace makes the movie feel tedious and boring, and it's hard to stay engaged with the story.
Another issue is its lack of suspense. The movie is supposed to be a thriller, but there are very few moments that actually feel tense or exciting. The murders are not particularly shocking or gruesome, and the investigation never feels like it's building towards anything significant.
The acting is also underwhelming. Roy Scheider, who is typically a strong performer, seems disinterested in the role and delivers a lackluster performance. The supporting cast is forgettable, and none of the characters are particularly well-developed or interesting aside from the very gross relationship between Seaver and his child bride, whose mother he used share "Night Moves" in the back of his '67 Chevy. So there's a chance she's his daughter. Yuck.
Overall, Night Game is a forgettable movie that doesn't deliver on its promises. The slow pacing, lack of suspense, and underwhelming performances make it a movie that's not worth watching.