Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers

Extraterrestrial Visitors - The Trumpyiest Show, but in a good way

Trumpy finally hits the show and the dirt at the same time. Rick says, "It stinks!" Who asked you, Rick?
Buckle up, space cadets, because "Extraterrestrial Visitors" (or should I say "Pod People") is a journey to the outer reaches of hilarity and absurdity that you won't soon forget! This gem of a film from 1980 takes you on a rollercoaster ride through a galaxy of Trumpy superpowers, dialogue that's more out of this world than the aliens themselves, and a plot that's so poorly thought out, you'll wonder if they were abducted by confusion.
Let's start with the MVP of the movie: Trumpy, the otherworldly being with powers so astonishingly baffling that even the laws of physics scratch their heads. Forget about your typical superhero abilities – flight, super strength, and invisibility – Trumpy can do it all and more. From making toys levitate to turning plants into miniature disco balls (who knew flora loved to boogie?), Trumpy's talents defy explanation almost as much as the plot itself.
And speaking of the plot, it's like they took all the leftover pieces from a dozen different jigsaw puzzles and decided to make a mosaic masterpiece. You've got aliens, a young kid who finds a space egg, a rock band (because why not?), and a bumbling duo of poachers who specialize in pilfering nightingale eggs. Dastardly! The plot twists are so unexpected, they'll make your head spin faster than Trumpy juggling intergalactic fruit.
Now, let's talk dialogue. Imagine if Shakespeare, Dr. Seuss, and your quirky uncle who only speaks in puns had a brainstorming session while on a sugar rush – that's the level of dialogue you can expect. With lines like "To ME, it's a CENTIPEDE. It'll ALWAYS be called A CENTIPEDE!" and the forever classic "It stinks!" you'll be rolling on the floor in fits of laughter faster than you can say "extraterrestrial hijinks."
But let's not forget the true star of the show: the production values. Special effects that look like they were crafted with leftover tinfoil and glitter glue? Check. Sets that seem to have been assembled from the clearance section of a discount space-themed party store? Check. And costumes that make you wonder if the aliens accidentally wandered into a garbage can before landing on Earth? You betcha.
In the end, "Extraterrestrial Visitors" (aka "Pod People") is a masterpiece of unintentional comedy that leaves you with a smile wider than the Milky Way. It's a cosmic collision of bad decisions, wonky writing, and inexplicable choices that somehow come together to create a cinematic experience that's out of this world in all the wrong ways – and that's what makes it so incredibly right. So grab your popcorn, suspend your disbelief, and prepare to be abducted by laughter as you venture into the hilariously bizarre universe of "Extraterrestrial Visitors." It's an alien encounter you won't want to miss!

The Rookie - Its a Buttendectomy

Eastwood and Sheen team-up to accomplish....nothing really. Its maybe the worst written movie we've done and that includes M. Knight Shamalamadingdong stuff.
Let's start with the positives, shall we? The stunts in this movie are so over-the-top, I suspect the entire budget went into explosions and car chases. It's like they set a new record for the most pyrotechnics used in a single film! If you're in the mood for gratuitous action that defies all laws of physics, "The Rookie" delivers like a pizza on a Friday night.
But now, let's talk about the dialogue. Oh boy, where do I begin? It's almost as if the screenwriters threw darts at a board filled with clichés and put them all in one script. The characters spout one-liners that even your dad would cringe at. And speaking of dad jokes, Clint Eastwood seems to be on autopilot, delivering lines with the enthusiasm of someone who's run out of coffee in the morning.
Charlie Sheen's character, on the other hand, appears to be suffering from a severe case of split personality disorder. One moment, he's a charming rookie cop trying to prove himself, and the next, he's channeling his inner James Bond with terrible pick-up lines that make you wish you could hit the "mute" button on reality.
Now, let's address the plot—or should I say lack thereof? The story revolves around Clint Eastwood's character being a grizzled, soon-to-retire cop who takes on the role of mentor to Charlie Sheen's greenhorn. But, folks, brace yourselves for the plot twist: the mentor becomes the student, and the student becomes the hero. Groundbreaking, right? It's like someone took a clichéd cop movie template and decided to play "mad libs" with it, inserting random action sequences wherever they could fit.
At some point, you have to wonder if director, Clint Eastwood, thought the audience would be so distracted by the explosions that we wouldn't notice the plot holes big enough to drive a tank through. And don't even get me started on the female characters—they seem to exist solely to fawn over the male leads, reminding us that the '90s weren't exactly a pinnacle of gender representation.
In conclusion, "The Rookie" is a perfect case study in how not to make an action movie. If you're in the mood for some mindless entertainment, or you want to host a movie night with friends where you play a drinking game for every cringeworthy line, this might be the perfect pick. Otherwise, you're better off enjoying some classic Clint Eastwood in his better films and letting "The Rookie" remain a relic of the '90s, forever trapped in its own time warp of bad dialogue and nonsensical plots.

The Tomb - The Mummy moves to LA for its high quality blood?

Michelle Bauer stalks around LA in slinky outfits on a quest....for blood! Words, don't fail me now.
One of the highlights of "The Tomb" is its nostalgic charm. The film exudes the distinct '80s vibe, complete with cheesy practical effects, low-budget sets, and a synthesizer-heavy soundtrack with corny beats and crummy lyrics that is very Fred Olen Ray. 
The "plot" follows a group of "amateur gynocologists" who venture into an ancient tomb in search of hidden treasures. There, they unlock the tomb of "Nefratis" (played by the always great Michelle Bauer), an ancient mummy vampire who needs blood to stay looking like Michelle Bauer...so, hot. She is kind of thwarted by Dave (Richard Hench) and John Banning (David O'Hara) but really only because she kidnaps Dave's newfound girlfriend, Helen (Suzy Stokey). We're still not sure why she needed to kidnap her for a ritual because she doesn't need to perform rituals to stay hot, she just needs blood. Maybe pretty lady blood will make her even more hot? But come on, lady. You're Michelle Bauer. Save some good looking for the rest of us, greedy guts.
Fred Olen Ray demonstrates his passion for practical effects, and it shows in some of the creative and gory scenes. The film's modest budget may be apparent in places, but the dedication to practical effects adds a certain charm that modern CGI-laden horror films often lack.
However, "The Tomb" is not without its flaws. The pacing can be a bit uneven, with some scenes dragging on while others rush past crucial moments. Additionally, the character development is rather weak, leaving the audience with little attachment to the protagonists, making it challenging to feel invested in their fates.
"The Tomb" is, at times, a fun visit to '80s horror cinema, brimming with nostalgic elements that will please genre enthusiasts and Fred Olen Ray cultists (myself being one of them). However, despite some of his best efforts (the opening credit sequence and his efforts on the practical effects), there's just not enough meat here in the middle of the film. Yes, he manages to keep a little momentum by sprinkling in some knockers during those exposition heavy sections but he could have and has done better with many, many, many of his other films.

Strike Commando 2 - The Gullible Plot

Michael Ransom is back but this time he's Brent Huff. Yet he manages to do all the same stuff as Reb Brown and adds on Indiana Jones to his abilities.
So this is an odd version of the "idiot plot". Yes it qualifies because the movie can't happen unless everyone is an idiot. But it gets weirder than that with Michael Ransom's (Brent Huff) actions. All you have to do is plant the slightest seed in Ransom's mind of something and the guy goes for it. Not only goes for it, but goes WAY overboard for it. Consider the beginning when he's told that his former commander, Vic Jenkins (played by a very out of water Richard Harris) is not dead as reported in the news and that the CIA is involved. Well instead of going through proper channels and just asking what the story is, he busts in to the office of the CIA handler and busts his family photo in his face. Maybe start with just asking questions. I mean the guy even had an appointment to meet with him. That meeting ends with a judo chop to the back.
What's great is that after Jenkins is kidnapped (just watch the movie) Ransom is enlisted to go after by the same CIA guy whom he just judo chopped (we have to assume his spinal cord was severed because Ransom is super tough and deadly) and all is good. But once Ransom finds Jenkins, who is unguarded and has no lock on his door, he just goes with it. "Let's get out of here, guy that is supposedly held hostage but has nothing preventing him from just leaving on his own of which makes me suspicious in no way!" Then Ransom, after being told the obvious double cross, is offered a job. He refuses because...? And gives the ransom (??) of $10 million in diamonds to a lady he met that morning. Nice planning, dude. Michael Ransom is a full blown idiot.
Yet the plot isn't what you come here for (although its top notch bad). It's Bruno Mattei's shamelessness. While managing to directly rip-off Apocalypse Now, its subtle enough to get away with. But then he shot for shot steals the truck chase sequence from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Like we wouldn't notice! Its incredibly brazen and incredible.
Strike Commando 2 is missing some of the silly fun of the first film but its just so incredibly stupid and willfully ignorant that its a total do. Brent Huff may not be Reb Brown but we'll take him.

Anaconda - Serone lives!

John Voight leads an idiot plot that ends with him being covered in goo but getting to be featured as the star of a documentary filmed by people he tried to kill. Snakes on a boat!
Let's face it: "Anaconda" is not meant to be a serious film. It shamelessly embraces its own absurdity, delivering a rollercoaster of ridiculousness that CAN leave you grinning.
The concept itself is delightfully over-the-top. Giant man-eating snakes lurking in the heart of the Amazon rainforest? Sign me up! From the moment the adventure begins, you're taken on a journey filled with outrageous situations, questionable decisions, and an unapologetic disregard for basic snake biology.
The cast, despite their characters often behaving in the most nonsensical ways, fully embraces the campiness of the film. Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube's performances inject a dose of energy and charm, while Jon Voight delivers a performance so delightfully Wiseau-esqe that you can't help but enjoy every minute he's on screen. The chemistry between the actors, despite the absurdity of the script, somehow manages to keep you invested in the chaos unfolding before your eyes.
Sure, the CGI may be a bit dated, and the dialogue may not be winning any awards for its depth or sophistication. But who needs all that when you have scenes of a giant snake swallowing people whole and the characters navigating a rickety boat through treacherous waters? It's all part of the charm that makes "Anaconda" such a guilty pleasure.
In the end, "Anaconda" is a prime example of a movie that may be dumb in the best possible way. It's a thrilling and silly adventure that doesn't take itself seriously, and that's precisely why it works so well. So gather your friends, grab some popcorn, and get ready to suspend your disbelief and enjoy a wild ride through the Amazon jungle with this delightful guilty pleasure.

Deep Rising - didn’t create any deep pockets

Insurance fraud goes awry when The Kraken pulls down the might Argonautica and Treat Williams flies through the Death Star explosion.
This movie is an absolute gem that will have you on the edge of your seat... with laughter! Picture this: a luxury cruise ship on a routine trip, a group of quirky mercenaries, a humongous tentacled monster, and chaos that ensues. If that doesn't pique your interest, I don't know what will!
The plot of "Deep Rising" is as simple as it gets: a group of badass mercenaries hijacks a luxurious cruise ship with plans to loot it, only to find themselves fighting for their lives against a massive, otherworldly creature lurking in the deep, dark depths of the ocean. Yes, you read that right—monster madness, folks!
Now, let's talk about this majestic beast of the deep. The creature in "Deep Rising" is like nothing you've ever seen before. It's big, it's slimy, and it has more tentacles than an octopus on steroids. And trust me, it knows how to make an entrance! The moments when it pops out of nowhere, grabbing unsuspecting victims and dragging them away, are both terrifying and ridiculously hilarious. Think of it as a mix between "Jaws" and an aquatic Cirque du Soleil show!
But what truly sets "Deep Rising" apart is its ability to balance the scares with witty one-liners and over-the-top action. The script is peppered with hilarious quips, perfectly timed to keep you entertained throughout the movie. The characters are delightfully eccentric, each with their own unique personality, and the banter between them is pure gold. You'll find yourself rooting for these unconventional heroes while wiping away tears of laughter.
In the end, "Deep Rising" is a goofy, fun-filled adventure that knows how to entertain. It embraces its B-movie roots with open tentacles and delivers a truly unique experience. So, grab your popcorn, buckle up, and prepare for a monster movie that will have you laughing out loud and sliming up your couch with a big, silly grin on your face. Dive into the madness of "Deep Rising" and jump your jet ski over a shark or two!

Strike Commando - Cut it out!

Bruno Mattei and Reb Brown team up to give us an unintentionally hilarious and 80's staples full action movie. Danton better watch out.
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of explosive action and over-the-top hilarity with the 1987 cult classic, "Strike Commando." Starring Reb Brown, this cheesy and hilarious gem is an absolute blast from start to finish, delivering an unforgettable experience that will leave you grinning from ear to ear.
"Strike Commando" is a throwback to the glorious era of '80s action cinema, where macho heroes and outrageous one-liners ruled the screen. Reb Brown's charismatic presence and larger-than-life portrayal of Sgt. Michael Ransom is nothing short of pure entertainment. With his chiseled physique and unyielding determination, Brown effortlessly embodies the quintessential action hero archetype, making every moment he's on screen a delight to watch.
What sets "Strike Commando" apart from other action films of its time is its shameless embrace of its own cheesiness. The dialogue is delightfully cheesy, packed with memorable one-liners that will have you laughing out loud. The action sequences are over-the-top and exaggerated in the best way possible, with explosions galore, outrageous stunts, and a high body count that keeps the adrenaline pumping.
Director Bruno Mattei and the creative team behind "Strike Commando" fully understand the film's campy nature and lean into it with gusto. The result is a delightful combination of unintentional humor and intentional self-awareness, creating a unique viewing experience that is both absurd and undeniably fun.
The film's pacing is relentless, never allowing a dull moment to creep in. From the opening scene to the epic finale, "Strike Commando" keeps you engaged and entertained throughout. It doesn't take itself too seriously, allowing you to fully immerse yourself in the sheer joy of its outrageousness.
To top it all off, the '80s keyboard soundtrack perfectly complements the on-screen action, heightening the excitement and injecting a nostalgic charm that fans of the era will adore.
"Strike Commando" is an absolute riot that delivers on its promise of cheesy and hilarious entertainment. Reb Brown's larger-than-life performance, the film's self-awareness, and its relentless action make it a must-watch for fans of '80s action cinema. If you're looking for a film that offers a healthy dose of laughter and adrenaline, then "Strike Commando" is the perfect choice. Strap in, lock and load, and enjoy the wild ride that is "Strike Commando"!

Secret Agent Club - NatSec doesn’t look good, President Clinton.

Terry Hogan finds himself in need of rescue from VR torture by a group of precocious scamps who discover they love the smell of burning man flesh.
First things first, let's talk about Hulk Hogan's acting prowess. Or lack thereof. His line delivery is about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face, and his attempts at emotional depth are about as convincing as a toupee made of spaghetti. But hey, we're not here for Oscar-worthy performances, right?
The plot is a convoluted mess that feels like it was written on a napkin during a coffee break. Hogan plays a secret agent who is inexplicably also a suburban dad. I guess he wanted to show off his multitasking skills? The story jumps from one ridiculous scenario to another, with more holes than Swiss cheese. It's a wild ride, but not intentionally in the way we enjoyed it.
The supporting cast is a mixed bag. There are a few familiar faces, but their talents are wasted in this nonsensical adventure. The villains are as cartoonish as they come, with evil plans that would make Dr. Evil facepalm. And let's not forget the obligatory kid sidekick, whose sole purpose seems to be providing the occasional cringe-worthy one-liner.
Now, let's talk about the special effects. It's surprisingly full of quality stunts and explosions. For the time, even the laser gun effects are fine. 
Despite all its flaws, "Secret Agent Club" does have a certain charm to it. It's the kind of movie you watch with a group of friends, armed with plenty of popcorn and a hearty dose of irony. It's so bad that it's almost good, but not quite. It's a cheesy mess that doesn't quite reach the so-bad-it's-good status.
"Secret Agent Club" is an absurd, poorly acted, and visually underwhelming film. But if you're in the mood for some mindless entertainment and enjoy watching Hulk Hogan ham it up on screen, then go ahead and give it a shot. Just make sure to bring your sense of humor and a tolerance for over-the-top cheese.

The Phantom Empire - A 9 year old’s fever dream

A team of treasure hunters find themselves facing off against cannabalistic mole-men, dinosaurs and a busty alien queen who just wants to find nice man and murder everyone else.
Directed by the one and only Fred Olen Rey and featuring the fabulous Sybil Danning, this movie is an absolute blast of a mess from start to finish. Phantom Empire is like a mashup of every wacky idea that a group of friends could come up with during a late-night brainstorming session. It's got everything you could ever imagine: treasure, spaceships, robots, dinosaurs and even an underground civilization! Talk about a buffet of awesomeness.
One of the highlights of the movie is the fabulous costumes. From Sybil's familiar low cut space queen outfit to the skimpy cave girl bikinis that Michelle Bauer forgets the top for 10 minutes and then Ross Hagen's crappy Indy look, it's all pretty funny to see.
So grab your popcorn, put on your most outrageous Indiana Jones hat, and buckle up for a hilarious and outlandish adventure. Phantom Empire is a hidden treasure that deserves to be watched for its sheer audacity and charm. Prepare yourself for a delightful ride through time and space... with a side of knockers and dinosaurs! Yeehaw!

Tammy and the T-Rex - Dino’s don’t fly, Brian

Denise Richards rides on the back of a mechanical dino housing Paul Walker's brain. Well that sound preposterous! Well it is and its great.
Tammy and the T-Rex steps in as a refreshing breath of absurdity and pure entertainment. This 1994 masterpiece (yes, masterpiece!) takes a giant leap away from the conventional somber depths of remakes of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, instead bringing us a low-budget, high-energy romp that defies all logic and embraces its own delightful brand of ridiculousness.
While Mary Shelley's Frankenstein may be lauded for its literary merits and complex themes, Tammy and the T-Rex boldly goes in the opposite direction, serving up a heaping portion of hilarity that will have you chuckling from start to finish. Denise Richards leads the charge, effortlessly transitioning from the realms of serious acting to embody the vivacious and determined Tammy. It's as if she's giving a sly wink to Frankenstein's brooding creature, saying, "Hey, let's have some fun!" Richards infuses the film with her infectious charm, reminding us that not every movie needs to take itself so seriously.
And let's not forget Paul Walker's comedic brilliance as Michael. While Frankenstein may be brooding in a castle, Michael is romping around as a T-Rex, and Walker embraces the absurdity with gusto. His comedic timing is impeccable, and his physicality is on point. From the slapstick moments to the witty one-liners, Walker effortlessly injects the film with a contagious energy that keeps us laughing throughout. Testicular standoff!
Tammy and the T-Rex may not be a financial success like the Naked Guns or Hot Shots from the same era, but that's precisely why it's so enjoyable. It's a wild and wacky ride that revels in its own absurdity, reminding us that sometimes, it's okay to let loose and have a good laugh. So, if you're in the mood for a low-budget gem that defies logic, Tammy and the T-Rex is a true contrarian budget masterpiece along the lines of "Hell Comes to Frogtown". Sit back, relax, and let the T-Rex take you on a delightfully outrageous adventure you won't soon forget!